Disappointed/betrayed!

Yesterday night was kind of a disappointed or felt being betrayed kind of feeling. That  feeling seems coming no after so many years. The first thing I know I just need to prayed rather than making assumptions and think too much about it which not helping me at all. Definitely it's all negative thoughts. It's always closest people hurt you the most when you love them endlessly and sacrifice for them all time. You hope they would appreciate at least and not behind you saying something else. That's heart broken enough when you saw it all by your own eyes. It just like a knife really stabbed right through your heart and twisted inside. Thats how I felt yesterday night.

When back home I'm thankful I have a friend who is by my side all the time even though midnight waiting for me to call and chat up everything so that I would feel better. Yesterday almost cried but I didn't allow myself. Do not want the emotions to take over me when at times expressing I would feel better but I'm strong enough for it.

I wanted to know the whole story as in I might able to spilled off everything that been bothering all the time but god haven't allow it to happen till now. My prayer has always been by god's grace and opening door we able to speaks forth the matter into heart rather tha harsh words. 

I know I need let go and forgive but it hurts still. I can't sleep well and this morning my heart still pumping so fast. It's anxiety I know. It's out of my control and knowing the reason why. Lord I really need you to calm me down and put things aside and give me the joy I wanted. I don't want to reap off as well not on things that I can't control at all. I hope I can be like before towards you lets god hope god's love is great enough to overcome me and pour in my life so I'll be able to love like I used to be. It's not only human love and god's abundant love flow through me.

Signing off! Pray for the best of the day and god's joy will be upon me!