it's been awhile...

i've not noticed that my last post it's more than half year ago to be exact 8 months ago?

time passes without us knowing in a way it's been so fast. next saturday it's the day we remember of presents and gifts but as his children it's a day we remember he was born for our sake. YEAH !!! it's Christmas time. this year seems a bit quiet for me maybe i wasn't doing much or involve in ministry for the time being. back in those time, it's the most pack time and definitely rehearsing, having tones of fun. well well well, after that week another week ahead it's what????it's NEW YEAR. don't know whether should i be happy or not?i mean definitely well the new year with joy and stuff but at the same time a year older is another thing but setting goals and vision for myself. it's only 2 weeks away and i need to make myself clear of what i want and where he is directing me to.

today one of those day suddenly felt like blogging just being frustrated and angry. the funny thing is today i just took out the book named 'prison break' by mark conner. i open up the page it's about anger. fast to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. even if you're angry don't let the anger stay before the sun goes down. angry is not wrong it's an expression of anger but how we deal with it and how we deal that eventually lead us to sin. sometimes it's because of such a small gas of anger within a person and you read news about people being killed, beat up and etc it's all started with anger. control our anger and don't let our anger control us which might allows open up door for the evil one as well hurting our love ones.

Dreams and Visions

last month i heard a sharing about dreams and visions. it was good coz it's a reminder for me. i always been reminded not to give up on my dreams and visions i had. though it might seems so far away from me yet it will be able to accomplish in times to come.

everyone of us odd to have dreams. without dream we are like dead people. if we have unclear dream then it's like storm; it's uncertain and it would be hard to succeed in life. lastly people with clear dream and vision; these people would be successful. dream give us a hope for tomorrow. how can we head towards our dreams?
i)we must have a specific goal. abraham was called when he is 75 years old. it's not about how old we are but as long we have a specific goal it will keep us going towards the goal.

ii)challenging our courage. forcemen will strive for the dreams. with a specific goal, we would not give up until our dreams are being accomplished.

iii)don't waste time, save time !! remember time is gold. we should manage our time well. time just passed without us knowing it.

i)don't give up. every successful people faces failure before. if we fails, we are nearer to our goals of success.

when you read it seems so easy but it's hard to put into action especially we are hard press on every side.

one of my favourite verse 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "we are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed".

today is good friday, it's not just another to let it go without giving some thoughts about it. it's a day where god send his only begotten son for us. he died on the cross being cruficied brutally all for us whether we know him or not. he was blameless and without sin but chose this only way for us to have this special relationship with his father in heaven. let us just reflect on today where in this society quote easter as easter bunny, easter chocolate, easter egg losing the main focus of good friday and easter. even we know the true meaning but we got the sacrificial have done for us 2000 thousand years ago. god he reigns forever !!!! he is the great and mighty one loves us before anyone else with his unconditional love. we are looking everywhere for love yet forgotten who is the source of love. let us learn to love him more before loving people around us with the love he has pour into our life.

bored , lazy , unproductive

i gotta say right now i'm so bored and thinking what to do. right now sitting in my friend's office blogging which is so not me totally out and knowing how bored am i....wishing to head home soon but dad called me to pick up sis from work so i need to wait another half an hour i guess....totally dozing into laziness and felt tired now with the super hot weather here....

this couple of days, internet back at home really sucks and bad...i can't do much about anything basically....it cuts off every few minutes and gets you tired to go online....

i know i sort of have to get back to reality i'm back in malaysia for good. i'm missing the weather in melbourne terribly though the weather it's slightly or known as crazy coz it's under estimated most of the time. i rather to be cold rather than hot seriously....cold the most you can do is wear more clothes whereas hot you can't wear less clothes....

i guess this blog more on myself complaining here or another to say i'm learning and trying to cope up with my life back in malaysia now and trying to imagine myself living here again with the people, weather, environment and so on....

what i felt unproductive now it's like i got so much in mind but i haven't done any actions yet. i don't where to start where i know i should have done something. i can get my mind straight to think what should i do first. i wanted things to be done in a split second which wouldn't happen and i don't want it happen just like that meaning i haven't go through the journey to success. i got friends discourage or more like does not agree what i have in mind but got friends agreed and encouraged me.

yesterday i met up with a friend who told me. 'don't just listen to what people say. seriously i think your idea works and you can do it. don't think so much but write down what you have in mind now and start doing it.' it makes sense as simple as that but that's very hard as well. getting into action really hard now for me. i can said i'm totally confused as in what to do right now in this period of time. searching high and low and looking for a meaning....it's a song lyrics came to my mind....but i was searching high and low only to find where to start off and my answer. i'm wishing someone around me can guide and lead me on....

i can say that i'm excited on what i wanted to do but at the same time fear. i know fear shouldn't be in me but fight for my dreams that i have in my life. god grant me the wisdom to do it according to your will and your favor will be upon me. it is a big challenge for me and i'm stuck now. i need a clear sign and direction where to head to.

i got other stuff on hand to do yet i'm still bumping me around can't settle my mind on a thing but flying everywhere else. concentration it's so hard to focus now.

getting back on track is what i needed now. hang in there babe i know i can do it for his grace is upon me. i shouldn't be worried and rest upon him with what's lies within me.

other than that, i know god had actually given sign shouldn't give up on people he wanted me to journey with. though it does mean that person will come to him straight but just being a friend or planting a seed in that very person. i thank god for that and i had say sorry becayse i know i shouldn't have doubt on the first time. on a sunday service, i prayed god if you wanted me to reach out to this person and not because of other people or whatever, within this week, that very person will actually called me. i said that prayer because i sort of know impossible where that person never call me before but only sms before. i've make myself clear. even sms me within the week was impossible coz that very person wouldn't sms ask me how am i doing? anyway i still remember clearly, within that week on tuesday night i saw that person, wednesday i saw that person in car but never contact after that. what miracle happen in evening time, that person suddenly called and i was shocked saw the caller id. as i was in shopping mall with friends, somehow i was brought back to my prayer where i totally not conscious about it. i knew it was the holy spirit telling me like 'see this is your answer now'. i was like stunned and stoned about it. that night i prayed lord, it's a joke right just a co-incident. i will believe he will call tomorrow again. see how doubtful i am even i was being trained and tested so much. eventually somehow to my surprised in evening time the next day, that person really called and chatted awhile. i was totally restless and don't know to do. i don't know to confused myself or doubt again. i think god gave me another chance the day after again. in between afternoon another call from that person and what more that call lasted for 40 minutes. can you believe it?i was like ok god i shouldn't doubt i know i shouldn't but i did. i will accept it and be your vessel in anyway you wanted me to bring this person to. one way or another god is really testing me and bringing to the edge i got no choice but to totally believe in him. thank god for your answer.

i love you so much !!!! continue other time. time to leave now !!!

news of 2 months.....

it's has been almost 2 months i'm back home now. though it seems a little long but at the same time pretty short as well. once back in december make a trip to hong kong in december for friend's wedding. end of january make a trip to taipei. it was good attending friend's wedding and meeting a few old friends where i get to know from melbourne. taipei qite a good place with much delicious food but it was such a short trip definitely will be there again in future to explore more and going their nature places.



loving my life back at home though it slightly different now. going out and going where at least sometimes gotta let my parents know not like when i'm in melbourne going everywhere and don't have to tell anyone and just leave home. other than that everything is good. lifestyle over here for me quite the same as in sleeping time and hanging out. back here always got the attitude of going out till late or else every night that's quite a bad habit to some people would say but at least my parents are fine with it. this is a lifestyle where i don't do in melbourne. most my night time would hanging at home unless there is function or whatever. a good thing would be sometimes back at home i would sleep slightly earlier compare my time in melbourne. i don't know why but i do. i don't really sleep at 6 or 7am anymore rarely the most would be before 5am. it's a good improvement though. i know i gotta adjust my time before i get a job here and let my body get use to it.



during this period of time there are always good and bad times. still in the mode of confusion on myself i reckon searching during this period of time what am i suppose to do while i'm waiting the right time to head off to hillsong college. it's my desire to attend hillsong college but it's all up to HIM, i still need to surrender to him. apart from it, i'm deeply searching which field should i get into and when i should get involved in ministry. i really hope i hope i can help out and serve in some area of ministry before i get rusty....nah, actually i doesn't wanna waste my time not doing the work of god. basically right now i can't see visually what i'm doing to expand god's kindgom i felt i'm doing nothing. right now back here meeting up with old friends and new friends i guess it's one of the thing i have place to do something.



old friends meeting up sometimes i do hope i can help more and helping them to find god once again, encourage them to turn back to god or even just to listen to them what's their struggle and things been happening since we left high school especially those i haven't seen them for ages.



met a new friend i totally having burden for him. it was hard for me thinking should i be doing it or not because of fear. i still can't get over th fact i actually missed a chance inviting him to church where he had open up the topic and repeating the question to me for a few times yet i never take any action. it's really my regret. i still remember having the conversation with him it's christmas eve. he asked where am i going to celebrate for christmas eve. i told him church. next would be what time. he repeated few times then what time i'm going church. god actually open up the door but i've missed it, i know i wasn't bold enough. that morning before meeting this friend somehow i prayed god to open door and somehow will allow we talked about him in whatever ways he can. it even came to my realisation he haven't actually heard the gospel before or totally a stranger to him about christianity. i felt so crush off during christmas eve service. i was stirred and realised but haven't i invited him that very night. i missed the ever most precious chance. from now on i can only pray for another chance but at the same time now making friend with him to build the friendship trust to able to testify god for him. what makes me felt wanted to give up was rumours around. people will start making assumptions or spreading rumours or asking weird question just because it's a guy and gal thingy. why can't guy and gal be friends i was thinking at times?it's a bit different i felt back here compare to melbourne. back there even though i'm close with guys, people wouldn't simply spread rumours and pretty fine with it. back here it might be once or twice people saw you, stories start flying around. i don't like to be lime light when i was just back and spreading unnecessary stuff as well i might worried losing a friend. i know i was a worrier but i can't help it at times.

chinese new year started during the month of february. what it meant more foods for me as well. the month of feasting non-stop. never skipped a meal yet might be a few more meals than normal. it's good time with family and relatives. no complaint for it. fourth day had open house that night is the least i've eaten been busy for the whole day. morning dim sum then went to bought stuff whatever we needed for the night.i guess this year we spend the most on drinks. before chinese new year i bought 5boxes of box drinks, 2 dozen of 1.5 soft drinks, another dozen of orange juice and imagine how fast it has gone without you knowing. actually my little cousin drank like no one business i mean he isn't little anymore turning 11 this year. so on fourth day we another 4/5 boxes again and a dozen of 1.5litre coke again with a carton of shandy. craziness and it's gone within a night what more i can't find drinks for myself that night. freaky right?but it was fun...really fun though was a bit stress that night too!!!!

fifth chinese new year the day we waited much of those stress and preparation, 9499 10th reunion of smallsaints. 2 weeks beore the reunion you felt more stress and burden with so much things to do. what more the night before reunion. alot of last minute preparation. that night was so busy. in the afternoon was already there with other committees member decorating the venue and preparing. 4pm went home to take our bathe 5pm back there all ready for the night. that night most of the time can't believe i was at the stage helping out making sure everything runs well. thank god everything went smoothly. what's more comforting when all hardwork and effort had been put in, everyone saying it's successful and everyone enjoyed it so much. that's the whole purpose on it make it worthwhile for the effort. thanks for everyone who helped out whether in big or small/people who attended that's the reason we are doing it !!!! good job everyone.....;)

reunion best part i think bringing back old memories and good old times. funniest i think one of the group actually sang backstreet boys 'as long as you loves me'. everyone cheers and laugh the reason was really old school hits for us...when we are young....haha....times past really fast though with a glimspe of eyes it's been 10 years. it also brings back so many old friends we haven't seen for so long...so much laughter. that night ends like 11pm with packing up 1130pm. after that head to another friend's place and crashed down. chatting and some of them continue to drink. i know i head home about 3am. reaching home i totally gone case. suddenly felt so relieved and tired should say right after the event, i totally lost myself but still went along with my friends. the next day i don't know i slept for how long. but still i woke up when friends called me. in the end someone called me eventually i really got up from my bed then took my bathe.

this very person consider special in a way i guess. she is baby used to babysit by my aunt 20 years ago. so a week before chinese new year, we met her dad in a coffee shop so said chinese new year will pay us a visit. eventually they came, so she took my number saying before she head back to singapore for studies will drop by again to chat with me. so she came after that. we chatted and bring her for teatime, satay she wanted earlier but her dad couldn't get it for her. what's most amazing, even the little things i don't remember but this kid does. luckily i pampered them before not torturing them or else i guess she will remember for her whole life. now she is coming over visit us coz she remember how we treated her while she is baby till don't know how old is she i couldn't remember myself. till now she called my dad 'uncle dad' in hakka which pretty funny though. it make me realised actually no matter where we are and what we are doing whether right now, 10years before or 10 years to come, actually it does matter to people around us. when we thought the least kids would understand, but the good things they will remember the details knowing who actually shower them it love. it's not like i'm doing something wrong now or anything but it's just the way i represent myself to people in 20 years down the road , people coming over and tell me what i've done to them hopefully something impacting their life and change them.......i wish i can do something much more useful able to pin down the memories in people's life. every actions count from now.......bear in mind !!!!

i'm pretty much excited because someone is visiting me all the way from kl before heads back to melbourne. i felt super blessed....love ya so much....will update more coz i'm too tired now to continue with the post....