Is it worth hardwork?

Since last week I've started my steps climbing. Kind of getting addicted to it but yet it can be fun and torturing, mixture feelings for sure.

Yesterday I decided not to listen to any songs and just pray along. Just be quiet and enjoy the surrounding and eager to hear from god.

As I walking up the steps, surely you will pants, take a deep breath and continue on. As somewhere I stopped, I look behind how far I have gone but I'm in the between before reaching the top. I told myself no way you are going to give up now, you must persevere till the end. I walk and stop and continue walk and stop and it continues till the end. When you see the steps coming nearer and nearer to me it's the hardest time especially you endured for so long. You wouldn't want to give up but yet the legs are dragging to it. Once you reached the top and see the sunshine, you felt the satisfaction, joy and fulfillment of completing it.

How to relate to the story? It's very very easy of my journey with him. At times of struggles and hard time, I thought of giving up on him yet he remain faithful all the time. He told me 'looking behind how far I've bring you through, are you going to give up just because of hard time?' it strucks me and tears almost come rolling down. Deep inside I'm telling myself not going to give up matter how hard life would be. Steps by steps looking behind, the journey of life. Almost reaching the end, you know your prize is awaiting you, that's more tortures, more challenge, more perseverance to reach your prize,but when you do, you will see the ever more beautiful sunshine and more satisfaction for trusting him and standing on mountain top with him. It's unexplainable that kind of feeling.

It's a new revelation for me climb steps every morning but also for health but my time with him alone and also remember he bringing and walking with me. I might disappoint him or fails him in all times, but he will still remain faithful to me. Thank you, lord. I love so much.

I persists on going every morning to meet him there and enjoy it. Even though it's tough, nothing come with any sacrificial. He first love us before anyone else.

Disappointed/betrayed!

Yesterday night was kind of a disappointed or felt being betrayed kind of feeling. That  feeling seems coming no after so many years. The first thing I know I just need to prayed rather than making assumptions and think too much about it which not helping me at all. Definitely it's all negative thoughts. It's always closest people hurt you the most when you love them endlessly and sacrifice for them all time. You hope they would appreciate at least and not behind you saying something else. That's heart broken enough when you saw it all by your own eyes. It just like a knife really stabbed right through your heart and twisted inside. Thats how I felt yesterday night.

When back home I'm thankful I have a friend who is by my side all the time even though midnight waiting for me to call and chat up everything so that I would feel better. Yesterday almost cried but I didn't allow myself. Do not want the emotions to take over me when at times expressing I would feel better but I'm strong enough for it.

I wanted to know the whole story as in I might able to spilled off everything that been bothering all the time but god haven't allow it to happen till now. My prayer has always been by god's grace and opening door we able to speaks forth the matter into heart rather tha harsh words. 

I know I need let go and forgive but it hurts still. I can't sleep well and this morning my heart still pumping so fast. It's anxiety I know. It's out of my control and knowing the reason why. Lord I really need you to calm me down and put things aside and give me the joy I wanted. I don't want to reap off as well not on things that I can't control at all. I hope I can be like before towards you lets god hope god's love is great enough to overcome me and pour in my life so I'll be able to love like I used to be. It's not only human love and god's abundant love flow through me.

Signing off! Pray for the best of the day and god's joy will be upon me!

You have make us proud!

It's been more than a year since I updated my blog but yet today decided to leave a simple message.

Watched the badminton final match on Sunday night which left some insights for me. People been talking and commenting about it.

Malaysia hero lee chong wei might not have won the gold and once again lost to his 4 yrs ago, last Olympic opponent lin dan but yet his won a lot of hearts. In every match, there will be a winning team and losing team but what counts it's the journey. It is simple saying and the player haven't proven it true. Even just getting silver, the Malaysian has stand up for him and declined his apologized because he has make them proud going all the way into final with him enduring by painkillers of his injuries as well only get to fully trained himself up within 2 weeks. His has not given on his sportsmanship. His endurance has brings courage and unity of his people just to gather and watch this match.

This I have learn as well. Whether on which side good or bad, it's ok, it's the process and journey that counts. It's your journey that wins heart when you have given yourself fully and not just the winning part. Stay focus and do your best!