i gotta say right now i'm so bored and thinking what to do. right now sitting in my friend's office blogging which is so not me totally out and knowing how bored am i....wishing to head home soon but dad called me to pick up sis from work so i need to wait another half an hour i guess....totally dozing into laziness and felt tired now with the super hot weather here....
this couple of days, internet back at home really sucks and bad...i can't do much about anything basically....it cuts off every few minutes and gets you tired to go online....
i know i sort of have to get back to reality i'm back in malaysia for good. i'm missing the weather in melbourne terribly though the weather it's slightly or known as crazy coz it's under estimated most of the time. i rather to be cold rather than hot seriously....cold the most you can do is wear more clothes whereas hot you can't wear less clothes....
i guess this blog more on myself complaining here or another to say i'm learning and trying to cope up with my life back in malaysia now and trying to imagine myself living here again with the people, weather, environment and so on....
what i felt unproductive now it's like i got so much in mind but i haven't done any actions yet. i don't where to start where i know i should have done something. i can get my mind straight to think what should i do first. i wanted things to be done in a split second which wouldn't happen and i don't want it happen just like that meaning i haven't go through the journey to success. i got friends discourage or more like does not agree what i have in mind but got friends agreed and encouraged me.
yesterday i met up with a friend who told me. 'don't just listen to what people say. seriously i think your idea works and you can do it. don't think so much but write down what you have in mind now and start doing it.' it makes sense as simple as that but that's very hard as well. getting into action really hard now for me. i can said i'm totally confused as in what to do right now in this period of time. searching high and low and looking for a meaning....it's a song lyrics came to my mind....but i was searching high and low only to find where to start off and my answer. i'm wishing someone around me can guide and lead me on....
i can say that i'm excited on what i wanted to do but at the same time fear. i know fear shouldn't be in me but fight for my dreams that i have in my life. god grant me the wisdom to do it according to your will and your favor will be upon me. it is a big challenge for me and i'm stuck now. i need a clear sign and direction where to head to.
i got other stuff on hand to do yet i'm still bumping me around can't settle my mind on a thing but flying everywhere else. concentration it's so hard to focus now.
getting back on track is what i needed now. hang in there babe i know i can do it for his grace is upon me. i shouldn't be worried and rest upon him with what's lies within me.
other than that, i know god had actually given sign shouldn't give up on people he wanted me to journey with. though it does mean that person will come to him straight but just being a friend or planting a seed in that very person. i thank god for that and i had say sorry becayse i know i shouldn't have doubt on the first time. on a sunday service, i prayed god if you wanted me to reach out to this person and not because of other people or whatever, within this week, that very person will actually called me. i said that prayer because i sort of know impossible where that person never call me before but only sms before. i've make myself clear. even sms me within the week was impossible coz that very person wouldn't sms ask me how am i doing? anyway i still remember clearly, within that week on tuesday night i saw that person, wednesday i saw that person in car but never contact after that. what miracle happen in evening time, that person suddenly called and i was shocked saw the caller id. as i was in shopping mall with friends, somehow i was brought back to my prayer where i totally not conscious about it. i knew it was the holy spirit telling me like 'see this is your answer now'. i was like stunned and stoned about it. that night i prayed lord, it's a joke right just a co-incident. i will believe he will call tomorrow again. see how doubtful i am even i was being trained and tested so much. eventually somehow to my surprised in evening time the next day, that person really called and chatted awhile. i was totally restless and don't know to do. i don't know to confused myself or doubt again. i think god gave me another chance the day after again. in between afternoon another call from that person and what more that call lasted for 40 minutes. can you believe it?i was like ok god i shouldn't doubt i know i shouldn't but i did. i will accept it and be your vessel in anyway you wanted me to bring this person to. one way or another god is really testing me and bringing to the edge i got no choice but to totally believe in him. thank god for your answer.
i love you so much !!!! continue other time. time to leave now !!!
