Friday, December 11, 2009

revelation !!!

last saturday (05-12-09) was my last saturday in citylife church before leaving for good...at least it's for now. senior pastor mark conner started the topic of revelation which it's quite interesting where he mention about peope discussing when the 'day' is coming especially with the movie '2012' is out now. but he talks more on our faith which what we don't know going to happen even what we are going through right now. it's a simple message yet it's really a reminder and does build me up. i'm just loving the words in citylife as always. always simple, applicable and got to think inside your heart. worship was awesome and missing it so much now.

he shared on revelation 1:9-20. what is faith? faith is our convictions on who he is to us. faith be measure with little, weak, strong, full of faith, great faith and etc. all of these being mention in the bible. we heard so many times, without faith it's impossible to please HIM. what are the ways for us to grow of faith?there are 3 points to it which:-

1. trust in god
- remember no matter what happen there is always a god reigning above....he is in control of every single thing.
- great faith is not only seeing the miracle then trust him but no matter what we still stand firm to him with his promises for us
- trust grows when we experienc the trustee from god (eg david vs goliath). david trusted god since he killleda bear even before facing the goliath. with what he experienced, his trust for god continue to grow
- remember the great deeds of god how can we go through with the past experiences before
- first jump/first time always the hardest but when he brings us through our trust grows
- romans 8:28

2. expect god to keep his promises
- every promise of god need to be tested.
- psalm 105(have a read)
- the delay of god's promises it's to grow our faith not to cause damage to our heart
- ephesians 3:20

3. never give up
- revelation book is about endurance , patience....
- john 16:23
- acts 14:21
- when faith is tested an opportunity of endurance to grow
- refused to give in

isn't it just a simple message yet easy for us to digest??our journey with him, we just odd to have faith and continue to grow in it. when circumstances arise, our promises being delay, we shouldn't be despise, discourage, give up but endure towards the end, holding on to what god telling us rather than people or the enemy telling us. our promises from him need to tested through our faith and realising we are capable to step into it and move into a greater level in life. it just reminds me of reading the book peaks and valleys....always on my mind, when you want greater blessings, your testing would be greater. faith needs to grow so that you are capable of doing greater things for me. all of us need to move forward rather than backwards !!! fight for god.....

Saturday, November 28, 2009

psalm 46

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields [b] with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah


i still remember clearly i need to prepare this chapter 2 years ago when i was going to Heyuan, China for my first ever mission trip. during that 2 weeks, everyone of us need to take turn to prepare for he devotion and shared about it. our team leader had chosen every chapter of psalm for each of us. so either we prepare before we go over or else when we are there, we prepare it. so anyway, i was given psalm 46. it was such a conforting and good verse.

always remember be still and know he is our god. he is our refuge and strength. this evening services in church, before singing the song 'still', worship shared on psalm 46 and it brings back my memories in china how we face challenges yet we never give in but keep fighting praying fervently for breakthrough. during this season of struggles, challenges, valleys, it reminded me of all those thing, i shall be still and know he is my god. he have given me the strength for it. don't allow whatever happens around me drawn away my attention from HIM but on those thing happening around. though i was serving in media today i really almost cried when the song started. it's also exactly the song i chose to sing in the mission before i shared the words. god bringing back where i can be strong and rely on him and now is the time to quiet myself. BE STILL !!!


Still lyrics

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

the armour of god

The Armour of God

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.


really just wanted to share this verses and also another one psalm 46 in the next blog.
lately some people those are close to me said i've got high patience and tolerance but i was just thinking as i reflecting back i realised i do. but at the same time i was thinking how far can i go this time? i know for sure i wouldn't burst in front of people but it's kind of suffocating me in a way. i really want to let go yet as days goes by, i get to know more things happening and got frustrated about it. i know it's not over yet what till i'm back home as in really home. i felt at times day really past by slightly slower as you're unhappy or being hurt in the matter. i just wish things didn't happen and wouldn' happen but shouldn't it's unavoidable since it had happen. turning back the time is impossible. the more you invest, the more your effort, the more you give in, the more you feel the pain, hurt, sorrow...you can just name it.

today spoke of armour of god. we should put the full armour of god. not partly but th full ARMOUR OF GOD !!! it was fantastic message. sometimes we tense to ignore did no realised the things happening around us where the enemy is at work. but we need to stand firm until the very end. it occurs to everyone of us, as paul said it. whatever we are facing in our life now whether good or bad, we need to put on the armour of god to be ready all the time. even in good times does no mean the bad times wouldn't come.

each other day i need to forgive now. thanks for your word and encouragement. i definitely going to survived through this season and bringing breakthrough to th next season. there is greater things awaiting for me as the challenges bigger than i can take it. my father in heaven is more than a conqueror and working in the spiritual realm fighting for me, my families and friends around the whole....love you always...you are the best and irreplacable in the world..you rocks and rules in my life...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

updates updates updates

it's been such a long time since i last blog. life been busy blogging definitely is not first priority. busy with what i doesn't know but seems to be things non-stop.

from the month of september to october was 'excited', out of expectation, like a roller coster. with a glimspe of eyes, things been going around, the world is still moving but i felt i was stopped during that moment of life thinking what is going on. it's sor of a nightmare yet not really. till the point i do not know how to express myself. but one thing for sure i'm thankful for all the people, my love ones standing by my side going through together and those going through with me. i love every single one of you. very much love and hugs to you all.

during valleys i'v grown for sure and a time of learning. it was a big challenge and forever HE proven He is even more faithful in my life. i can't deny the fact, He is there by my side, walking with me side by side especially in those hurts, sorrow, things are out of my hands, not forgetting the joyous moment, the happy times. HE s always there. always love you and forever grateful for who you are.

now is the time to think what am i going to do the next half a year orwhat is going to happen to me in another month to come. i'm excitd with he unseen yet anxious about it. i know i shouldn't be anxious about it. keep dreaming i know oe day it will come true. without a vision/dreams we will be dead. everyday is a brand new hope, brand new day with a brand new grace.

i'm pump up this saturday i'm able to do VPS for church again. that's something i'm looking forward as this is my very last time serving in CityLife church before i move back. it was a blessing to be in the media team, learning so much and while enjoying it. media always been something i love getting involved so one of my dreams had been succeed. i wll definitely misses the team especially this year i wouldn't be able to get involve in christmas production. that's the best part of the year and best production to get involve. i just remember how satisfied it is and what an experience.

it's already the 4th day back in Melbourne but i realised i'm dead boring here already and really it's time for me to move on. seems like this place does not belong to me anymore. god really know the best when i should be here and leave. i just felt so different not the last time how i felt and enjoyed so much. thank god i was well prepared by you. right now this moment seriously i don't feel i will misses here a lot yet as in not those food or whatever i don't know what does it called.

anyway, just some random stuff i wanted to write. this proves i'm too bored and don't where to write and what should i do...anyone want to go out for a drink??haha...it's like a say from me back at home coz i'm still not used to it staying at home for the whole 4 days !!! craziness for me...geezzz

Monday, July 27, 2009

another updates

after 18 days back at home, it's time to come back melbourne again. when in kk airport, met my friend's mum so coincidence. she is flying over to sydney to visit both my friends over there. so yeah in kl we said bye coz she's flying sydney and i'm flying melbourne.

came back here on 10th june then my family arrived on 16th june. mum, bro and fui yee's stay here for only a week. sis, fui yee and van van stay here for a month till 14th july. it was good time with mum around but she worries me alot after she left i think. cooking everyday with soup for us. in between on 19th june i flew over to perth for lisa's wedding. close buddy of mine since high school also as her bridesmaid. i was totally sick during that time. flying to perth takes 5hrs from melbourne it's like killing me. i flew off from melbourne at 8 or 9am something arriving perth time around 12pm something. kelvin came to pick me up and brought me for lunch. then he brought me to his house after lunch to have a rest which i was so thankful. after that off for dinner, after dinner head over to lisa's house for a moment and see how's her preparation for her wedding. so 20th was her big day. morning 9am woke up shower went out breakfast then head over to lisa's place. to cut it short right after her reception at night 11pm something perth time i flew back to melbourne on the very same day. i arrived melbourne 5am something melbourne time. reached home shower, slept like 2 hrs then bring mum they all out again. that's why i was so sick. after mum left i spend more time at home resting. every alternate day i need to boil soup but need to cook everyday for my dearest fui yee.

on 7th july flew over to sydney for hillsong conference till 12th july. supposedly before sydney we got our gold coast trip but was being cancelled coz everyone was sick adding on with the swine flu going around so pretty worried to travel with sickness so that's why it was being cancelled.

ok back to hillsong conference. this year i didn't attend as a delegate but as a volunteer. cool huh???it is...very worth it but also very tiring. totally a different experiences being a delegate. what's more blessed is because i can give my conference ticket to my sis and after 6-7 years of not attending church she is giving a go. praise god changed her in the very conference. she is at least went church on last sunday after back from melbourne. continue pray god will changed her more and give her more relevation about her walk with god. so it was all good. fui yee enjoyed as well but was very tiring for her. conference ended on friday night. so saturday morning, i went out with fui yee to buy breakfast/lunch back hotel coz we are too tired to go out eat. so yeah we bought so much stuff and we spend like aud60++ that very meal. we were laughing as if we haven't eat almost the whole week because of conference every night we are almost eating the very same thing. that's how funny we always is and doing all stupid stuff.

13th night sending they all to airport which was another sad day for me. mum they all left i didn't cry at all maybe because sis they all still there. that night i thought i really won't cry but in the end i still can't contain it. after the very hugged tears coming down. sis and fui yee headed in so fast coz tears coming down from them too. on the way back home, i didn't talk much at all or should say i didn't talk. shower hide inside the room felt so different and quiet in the room. very cold coz normally including 4 persons in my room, we talked, chatted, laughed suddenly it's all disappear. tears come down without you noticing it at all. but now consider back to normal state....but i still misses all of them so much !!!

will post other stuffs and how is my journey lately coz i think it will be more long and need more inspiration to type..

Highlights for the couple of months !!

it's been 4 months for my last updates. here is a quick one where i have been so far for the couple of months.

may 28 2009 was one of the greatest and joyous day for our family. yeah my bro got married after dating with her girlfriend of 8 years. whole family is so happy about it at the same time i got the chance to be back home for 18 days. it's not very long yet short but a very memorable moment. it was such a busy day especially on 27 and 28 itself. 27th is the night before they got married where guy and gal would have their own dinner with relatives and friends. but in the end i did went to fui yee's place for a visit and chat a bit. then head back home before 12am to witness my bro what chinese said 'combing hair'...oh well i don't understand all of it but it's a tradition thingy. funny thing i remember was bro went to change all the bedsheet and stuff(all in red) but my mum came in and said 'who told you to change?'. mum said must be done by my aunty which is elder and married. so we all was laughing our heads off. then that aunty did the combing hair for bro. didn't really get to sleep really early but gotta wake up pretty early coz gotta pick up the BRIDE. i reckon i woke up like 7am something shower changed and prepared. i took my dv cam for me to record and sis got to take her dslr. so yeah family projects and we gotta drive our own car there. i leave once my bro leave coz gonna video it and then i gotta be first to arrived the bride's house to record the moment they arrived. but before we left, bro did another mistake. he opens his own door to enter the car which apparently should be his friend the 'driver' to open. he gotta come out and let the friend do it again. it was so funny. but on the car would be a red cloth to cover from left to right side on top. arriving bride's house, her uncle and aunty then gotta put another red cloth behind from left to right as well. it's alright if you doesn't understand what i'm saying. i can only imagine it for now but can't really get into words. never knew all these until i witness myself. so was anxious went to see fui yee still doing her make up and she is gorgeous seriously. about 930 i think she came down with her dad bringing her down handing her hand over to bro. btw, we got the timing to be there around 9am and must leave fui yee's house before 11am and arrived my house. then after exchanging rings, tea ceremony. also the same thing, my parents can't go with bro to pick up the bride. they must stay at home and wait. so after the tea ceremony, fui yee's parents can't go with her to my place as well only her uncles and aunties allow to go. so arriving home, my parents must stay inside the room before fui yee's enters the house. once she enters already once my parents can come out. it's something saying honoring/respecting my parents or something. i don't really know actually. then tea ceremony session my place starts. ok i got to drink from my bro. coz both me and sis is older. it super seldom and ages heard my bro actually called us 'jie yim cha'...that's like antique for us but those who saw the pics in fb understand we were laughing our heads off during the tea session. one funny happen as well, when i went for the tea, dad said ok let me take over for the tea for you and sis. i said you know how to use???he said yes...then end up i realised he didn't even press record...that's like so so hilarious with my dad expression on it...it was good tea food mum order...love it as well dinner. dinner didn't get to eat much....it was a new beginning life for both bro and fui yee. another level of life with marriage.

but during that night i was a bit sad also because of my aunt. was talking with uncle and he suggesting one time we should go china together and travel around. we were so happy chatting and suddenly touches the most sensitive issue. it was my aunty who passed away which is my uncle's wife, aunty is so dear to me and my godmum. uncle started with the topic how is my current aunt condition?then uncle said he don't dare to see my current aunt coz will makes him think back of my aunty(his wife). eventually tears flow down from my uncle and both me and sis trying to console my uncle but in the end both me and sis can't control anymore. tears started flowing down from our eyes as well. memories suddenly all coming back and wishing that moment my aunt was there to witness bro getting married and stuff like that. really missing her so much. after like 2-3minutes, we all trying to recollect ourselves. but at the same time fui yee was there and didn't heard the conversation suddenly ask sis why is she crying. later only she found out the reason. that night indeed i was very happy for both bro and fui yee yet my heart really misses my aunty so much...indeed people who left you forever will only crafted memories in your heart no matter how much you wished they would be there, but it's all only memories.

Monday, March 23, 2009

FAiITH

yesterday i was reading a book. supposedly i should had finish the book ages ago. started reading it since last yr. i've been slacking that's why. i reckon been months since i last read a book or completed one. yesterday night i just felt i need to read a book and chose to continue with my book named 'believe that you can' by jentezen franklin. yes he is one of my favourite speaker and author. this is really good at least to me and i would recommend if anyone interested.

this book talking about dreams and visions. yesterday night i just chose to continue with it and the title was 'never doubt your vision'. it surprises me of coz. it talks about dreams that we might have and if it's eally fom god definitely we can succeed it. sometimes we got our vision and dream, we knew where are heading but somehow during this time we don't where are we and where are we going??yes obviously how it resemble me. i know where i should be going and what i wanted but during this time i really struggle not knowing where am i or where am i heading to now.

with all dreams and visions surely it involved FAITH. the sentence that struck me most would be 'if you have to understand everything then only you trust and serve, then you would not understand the concept of FAITH'. it also talks about three days from nowhere. during this time you're confused. you don't know where god is. you don't know where you are. you know where you're oing but this doesn't look like where you're supposed to be at this time in your life. everyone of us has trial in lifetime. trials are just faith boosters to get our immune system up then comes a big one, the trial of lifetime. trial of lifetime would lead to experience of a lifetime. if we able to hold on to the trial of lifetime, it's going to become the blessig of a lifetime.

life would never be easy whether being a christian or non-christian. if you hold on to your circumstances right now without out giving up, surely we would be overcome and have a breakthrough in times to come. it's through struggle and hardship we would grow and experience a lifetime. if we give up, we had failed our purpose during that period of time.

don't be discouraged if you're far away from your dreams or visions right now. if it is given by god, he will help you and bring you there. to reach your destination, there odd to be some circumstances you need to go through before god brings you there. as long as you are still breathing now, you are on his mind. rest assured of that. no matter how hard it is keep striving. it the same goes saying for myself. even when people discourage you, if knowing your dreams are definitely from god, don't give up. your rewards doesn't from people here on earth.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

what is pain???

"Pain is temporary, it may last a minute, or
an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it
will subside and something else will take its
place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

this quote i got from someone else blog. apparently the quote is from Lance Armstrong. when i read this, it's hits me. how true it is. the words are simple yet so profound.

no matter how pain we need to go through in our life in any circumstances in any time, the pain will subside and other things would take over. after some time, we might forgotten about it or else might be other pain will take away the present pain. no matter whatever we are facing in our life, we mustn't give up HOPE. HOPE is somethin we long for and look to if not there would be no tomorrow for us. with HOPE i believe we shouldn't quit and endure.

in our life, i believe everyone of us will experience pain. it can be a small thing or a big thing. stomach pain surely everyone been thru before or else the very pain we felt would be losing someone we loved dearly.

that's the reason i felt the quite is applicable to everyone of us. we shouldn't quit, because once we quit that's the end of our story.

Friday, March 13, 2009

LIFE !!!

lately i have been thinking when was the last time i updated my blog. as i just saw it, it's 6 months ago. half a year. why now i would take the time to blog and write???i guess i'm reflecting what has been going on with my life recently.

exactly on 1st of march 2009, i was sick. two days before i was sicked, i felt something wasn't right with me but anyway, i didn't bother much thinking it might be i just catch a cold or something. but on saturday morning only i realised i was wrong. i remember waking up that day, i felt some what backpain thinking it was normal sometimes i didn't sleep well. boxhill store manager gave me a call to wake me up to collect the modem from me. after passing him the modems, i went back to sleep till like 12pm and it's time to wake up. i woke up preparing to go church but the backache got worst. i started can't really walk and can't bend anymore. so i decided to give my media director a sms to let her know to find someone to swap me. so i rest on bed thought it would be better but i was wrong, as time passed, it got worst only. by evening time, the pain is unbearable. i haven't been in such pain before. i still remember clearly at night those pain i couldn't take at all i would cried myself there. i can't do much. i can't stand, sit nor sleep. i move a inch, you just felt the pain. but worst of all there is no such position would reduce your pain. apart from that, at the same time i got bell palsy. in short, left side of my face was numb so end up i can't really talk nor eat. it got to do with facial nerve. that day at the same time , i was knocked off by two sickness. sunday early morning 750am my friend, steph accompanying by adele took me to doctor. basically i can't wait for morning to come so i could visit the doctor coz the painkiller i took at home it's not helping at all.

sunday went to see doctor. face as i knew myself bell palsy. i got it 10 years ago i can still remember but my sis got it last year and my bro the year before but somehow the doctor said this is not a genetic thingy. but all my brother and sister got it as well. for bell palsy, doctor here only gave i don't know what medicine. i only knew the painkiller was given pretty good at least after i took it i can take a nap forgetting the pain for a moment. backache took me like after 4 days it slowly get better. i can walk a bit but not sit. after a week plus only i start sitting slightly. even going to see doctor that time was like hell to me. i can't really sit in car. getting into car was killing me and getting old car was even worst. imaging like a wood it's straight and you're trying to bend it or break it. that's how i felt during that time. i totally can't explain those pain in words. even just a cough, you felt your back is ripping off.

taking those medicines, all i do for the entire week was sleep and eat. wake up to eat a slice of bread or porridge then medicines. after medicines sleep. the medicines are making me so drowsy. this is total a rest for me. i mean normally i would said rest and stuff like that but not till this stage. i was totally in rest on bed only. even my laptop is on but i never msn or fb or whatever. total REST !!!sort of an amazing happening to me coz usually i wouldn't be doing such thing. this is what i felt a total rest. i never ever thought i would be having this kind of rest because i don't have any choice of all.

second week came, back is getting better. but for face it's still the same. apparently it would be at least 1-3 months for full recovery. back in malaysia doctor would prescribe more medicines and vitamins for you to recover faster but not here. so i bought my own vitamins to supply for my body also because my mum told me to do so. i've got to do for my own health as well.

it was depressing for the very first week. why???imaging you can't do anything at all. i can't eat , can't talk, can't walk, can't stand, can't sit, can't sleep as in properly. though i lied on bed all the time coz that's the best thing for my health.

second week ending soon and third week approaching. back stll here and there. mum and dad called told me to go for xray. obviously i haven't done it but maybe next week or something.

so here about today. last couple of days i told myself maybe i should update my blog but i keep on ignoring after that. but today i guess i can't. supposedly today my sis told me my aunty is going for an operation. so my time 6.28pm, i gave my aunt a call thinking to ask how's her operation go. so she told me her operation was cancelled would be done on 6th april. i asked why???that's the answer i wouldn't wanna hear in my life AGAIN. she got diagnosed cancer same as the aunty left me 6 years ago. suddenly i felt history is repeating itself. i was trying to be calm but i know i can't. the moment i heard, emotions surfacein me. tears came down itself. my aunty knew it as well. i doesn't wanna worry her but i just can't help nor hide it. she said after the operation only can know which stage is she in. from there she might need to start doing chemo. hearing all these like going back to 9 years ago when my aunty told me when she first diagnosed with cancer.

9 years ago also around this time, my aunty diagnosed with cancer and left after her 3 years suffering. i seen her through those times and how hard going through chemo, operation after operation. that time i was 18 years old just left home going kuala lumpur to study. now here i am in melbourne , this aunty of mine having the same problem. exactly the same cancer same situation but i really wanna believe in a miracle to happen. both this aunties are the closest to me in my whole life. the first aunty left me was my second mum. i was closer to her since young compare to my own mum. current aunty is the one who brought me up since i'm young.she look after me and my bro since young. always going back home, if i wanna eat anything or need any help, this aunty would never say no. or else she would purposely buy food i loves to eat for me when i'm back.

the same thing both this aunties told me was 'don't worry,aunty would be fine. you don't cry ok?' when my aunty told me this sentence just now, it somehow brought me back me to 9 years ago how devastated i was when i first knew about it. i wanna be strong for them yet i can't help it myself.

there are relly so much thing in life we don't would happen. today might be well who knows what happen tomorrow. people being healthy then the next day they are sick. human are so vulnerable now. i'm not scared of death but rather this aunty of mine does not know christ yet. i know i need to pray even harder and fight even more harder for this battle. i know for my first aunty, the first miracle i saw wasn't she is being heal physically but at least accepted christ before she left. i do not want this aunty to accept christ only before she left but i really want her to testified how god heals her and gave her another new life. this is really my dream now. i'm yet to see another miracle to happen.

last 2 days i was watching a drama. in it, it keeps saying don't give up , there would be a miracle. never ever give up till the very end surely i will get to see another miracle.

i've learnt to treasure people around me especially when my first aunt left me. she is the very first person ever so dear and loved left me. i do not know how to deal or face it during that time. hearing this phone call from my aunty, so many things going through my mind. is it really time for me to be back to home for good now and stuff like that. i've been thinking when is the right time for me to go back for good and stuff like that....BAM suddenly news like this !!!!

everyone treasure people around you especially your love ones. you really do not know what would happen today what more tomorrow. live with no regret. it would too late to realised when they are gone !!!!