LIFE !!!

lately i have been thinking when was the last time i updated my blog. as i just saw it, it's 6 months ago. half a year. why now i would take the time to blog and write???i guess i'm reflecting what has been going on with my life recently.

exactly on 1st of march 2009, i was sick. two days before i was sicked, i felt something wasn't right with me but anyway, i didn't bother much thinking it might be i just catch a cold or something. but on saturday morning only i realised i was wrong. i remember waking up that day, i felt some what backpain thinking it was normal sometimes i didn't sleep well. boxhill store manager gave me a call to wake me up to collect the modem from me. after passing him the modems, i went back to sleep till like 12pm and it's time to wake up. i woke up preparing to go church but the backache got worst. i started can't really walk and can't bend anymore. so i decided to give my media director a sms to let her know to find someone to swap me. so i rest on bed thought it would be better but i was wrong, as time passed, it got worst only. by evening time, the pain is unbearable. i haven't been in such pain before. i still remember clearly at night those pain i couldn't take at all i would cried myself there. i can't do much. i can't stand, sit nor sleep. i move a inch, you just felt the pain. but worst of all there is no such position would reduce your pain. apart from that, at the same time i got bell palsy. in short, left side of my face was numb so end up i can't really talk nor eat. it got to do with facial nerve. that day at the same time , i was knocked off by two sickness. sunday early morning 750am my friend, steph accompanying by adele took me to doctor. basically i can't wait for morning to come so i could visit the doctor coz the painkiller i took at home it's not helping at all.

sunday went to see doctor. face as i knew myself bell palsy. i got it 10 years ago i can still remember but my sis got it last year and my bro the year before but somehow the doctor said this is not a genetic thingy. but all my brother and sister got it as well. for bell palsy, doctor here only gave i don't know what medicine. i only knew the painkiller was given pretty good at least after i took it i can take a nap forgetting the pain for a moment. backache took me like after 4 days it slowly get better. i can walk a bit but not sit. after a week plus only i start sitting slightly. even going to see doctor that time was like hell to me. i can't really sit in car. getting into car was killing me and getting old car was even worst. imaging like a wood it's straight and you're trying to bend it or break it. that's how i felt during that time. i totally can't explain those pain in words. even just a cough, you felt your back is ripping off.

taking those medicines, all i do for the entire week was sleep and eat. wake up to eat a slice of bread or porridge then medicines. after medicines sleep. the medicines are making me so drowsy. this is total a rest for me. i mean normally i would said rest and stuff like that but not till this stage. i was totally in rest on bed only. even my laptop is on but i never msn or fb or whatever. total REST !!!sort of an amazing happening to me coz usually i wouldn't be doing such thing. this is what i felt a total rest. i never ever thought i would be having this kind of rest because i don't have any choice of all.

second week came, back is getting better. but for face it's still the same. apparently it would be at least 1-3 months for full recovery. back in malaysia doctor would prescribe more medicines and vitamins for you to recover faster but not here. so i bought my own vitamins to supply for my body also because my mum told me to do so. i've got to do for my own health as well.

it was depressing for the very first week. why???imaging you can't do anything at all. i can't eat , can't talk, can't walk, can't stand, can't sit, can't sleep as in properly. though i lied on bed all the time coz that's the best thing for my health.

second week ending soon and third week approaching. back stll here and there. mum and dad called told me to go for xray. obviously i haven't done it but maybe next week or something.

so here about today. last couple of days i told myself maybe i should update my blog but i keep on ignoring after that. but today i guess i can't. supposedly today my sis told me my aunty is going for an operation. so my time 6.28pm, i gave my aunt a call thinking to ask how's her operation go. so she told me her operation was cancelled would be done on 6th april. i asked why???that's the answer i wouldn't wanna hear in my life AGAIN. she got diagnosed cancer same as the aunty left me 6 years ago. suddenly i felt history is repeating itself. i was trying to be calm but i know i can't. the moment i heard, emotions surfacein me. tears came down itself. my aunty knew it as well. i doesn't wanna worry her but i just can't help nor hide it. she said after the operation only can know which stage is she in. from there she might need to start doing chemo. hearing all these like going back to 9 years ago when my aunty told me when she first diagnosed with cancer.

9 years ago also around this time, my aunty diagnosed with cancer and left after her 3 years suffering. i seen her through those times and how hard going through chemo, operation after operation. that time i was 18 years old just left home going kuala lumpur to study. now here i am in melbourne , this aunty of mine having the same problem. exactly the same cancer same situation but i really wanna believe in a miracle to happen. both this aunties are the closest to me in my whole life. the first aunty left me was my second mum. i was closer to her since young compare to my own mum. current aunty is the one who brought me up since i'm young.she look after me and my bro since young. always going back home, if i wanna eat anything or need any help, this aunty would never say no. or else she would purposely buy food i loves to eat for me when i'm back.

the same thing both this aunties told me was 'don't worry,aunty would be fine. you don't cry ok?' when my aunty told me this sentence just now, it somehow brought me back me to 9 years ago how devastated i was when i first knew about it. i wanna be strong for them yet i can't help it myself.

there are relly so much thing in life we don't would happen. today might be well who knows what happen tomorrow. people being healthy then the next day they are sick. human are so vulnerable now. i'm not scared of death but rather this aunty of mine does not know christ yet. i know i need to pray even harder and fight even more harder for this battle. i know for my first aunty, the first miracle i saw wasn't she is being heal physically but at least accepted christ before she left. i do not want this aunty to accept christ only before she left but i really want her to testified how god heals her and gave her another new life. this is really my dream now. i'm yet to see another miracle to happen.

last 2 days i was watching a drama. in it, it keeps saying don't give up , there would be a miracle. never ever give up till the very end surely i will get to see another miracle.

i've learnt to treasure people around me especially when my first aunt left me. she is the very first person ever so dear and loved left me. i do not know how to deal or face it during that time. hearing this phone call from my aunty, so many things going through my mind. is it really time for me to be back to home for good now and stuff like that. i've been thinking when is the right time for me to go back for good and stuff like that....BAM suddenly news like this !!!!

everyone treasure people around you especially your love ones. you really do not know what would happen today what more tomorrow. live with no regret. it would too late to realised when they are gone !!!!