FAiITH

yesterday i was reading a book. supposedly i should had finish the book ages ago. started reading it since last yr. i've been slacking that's why. i reckon been months since i last read a book or completed one. yesterday night i just felt i need to read a book and chose to continue with my book named 'believe that you can' by jentezen franklin. yes he is one of my favourite speaker and author. this is really good at least to me and i would recommend if anyone interested.

this book talking about dreams and visions. yesterday night i just chose to continue with it and the title was 'never doubt your vision'. it surprises me of coz. it talks about dreams that we might have and if it's eally fom god definitely we can succeed it. sometimes we got our vision and dream, we knew where are heading but somehow during this time we don't where are we and where are we going??yes obviously how it resemble me. i know where i should be going and what i wanted but during this time i really struggle not knowing where am i or where am i heading to now.

with all dreams and visions surely it involved FAITH. the sentence that struck me most would be 'if you have to understand everything then only you trust and serve, then you would not understand the concept of FAITH'. it also talks about three days from nowhere. during this time you're confused. you don't know where god is. you don't know where you are. you know where you're oing but this doesn't look like where you're supposed to be at this time in your life. everyone of us has trial in lifetime. trials are just faith boosters to get our immune system up then comes a big one, the trial of lifetime. trial of lifetime would lead to experience of a lifetime. if we able to hold on to the trial of lifetime, it's going to become the blessig of a lifetime.

life would never be easy whether being a christian or non-christian. if you hold on to your circumstances right now without out giving up, surely we would be overcome and have a breakthrough in times to come. it's through struggle and hardship we would grow and experience a lifetime. if we give up, we had failed our purpose during that period of time.

don't be discouraged if you're far away from your dreams or visions right now. if it is given by god, he will help you and bring you there. to reach your destination, there odd to be some circumstances you need to go through before god brings you there. as long as you are still breathing now, you are on his mind. rest assured of that. no matter how hard it is keep striving. it the same goes saying for myself. even when people discourage you, if knowing your dreams are definitely from god, don't give up. your rewards doesn't from people here on earth.

what is pain???

"Pain is temporary, it may last a minute, or
an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it
will subside and something else will take its
place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

this quote i got from someone else blog. apparently the quote is from Lance Armstrong. when i read this, it's hits me. how true it is. the words are simple yet so profound.

no matter how pain we need to go through in our life in any circumstances in any time, the pain will subside and other things would take over. after some time, we might forgotten about it or else might be other pain will take away the present pain. no matter whatever we are facing in our life, we mustn't give up HOPE. HOPE is somethin we long for and look to if not there would be no tomorrow for us. with HOPE i believe we shouldn't quit and endure.

in our life, i believe everyone of us will experience pain. it can be a small thing or a big thing. stomach pain surely everyone been thru before or else the very pain we felt would be losing someone we loved dearly.

that's the reason i felt the quite is applicable to everyone of us. we shouldn't quit, because once we quit that's the end of our story.

LIFE !!!

lately i have been thinking when was the last time i updated my blog. as i just saw it, it's 6 months ago. half a year. why now i would take the time to blog and write???i guess i'm reflecting what has been going on with my life recently.

exactly on 1st of march 2009, i was sick. two days before i was sicked, i felt something wasn't right with me but anyway, i didn't bother much thinking it might be i just catch a cold or something. but on saturday morning only i realised i was wrong. i remember waking up that day, i felt some what backpain thinking it was normal sometimes i didn't sleep well. boxhill store manager gave me a call to wake me up to collect the modem from me. after passing him the modems, i went back to sleep till like 12pm and it's time to wake up. i woke up preparing to go church but the backache got worst. i started can't really walk and can't bend anymore. so i decided to give my media director a sms to let her know to find someone to swap me. so i rest on bed thought it would be better but i was wrong, as time passed, it got worst only. by evening time, the pain is unbearable. i haven't been in such pain before. i still remember clearly at night those pain i couldn't take at all i would cried myself there. i can't do much. i can't stand, sit nor sleep. i move a inch, you just felt the pain. but worst of all there is no such position would reduce your pain. apart from that, at the same time i got bell palsy. in short, left side of my face was numb so end up i can't really talk nor eat. it got to do with facial nerve. that day at the same time , i was knocked off by two sickness. sunday early morning 750am my friend, steph accompanying by adele took me to doctor. basically i can't wait for morning to come so i could visit the doctor coz the painkiller i took at home it's not helping at all.

sunday went to see doctor. face as i knew myself bell palsy. i got it 10 years ago i can still remember but my sis got it last year and my bro the year before but somehow the doctor said this is not a genetic thingy. but all my brother and sister got it as well. for bell palsy, doctor here only gave i don't know what medicine. i only knew the painkiller was given pretty good at least after i took it i can take a nap forgetting the pain for a moment. backache took me like after 4 days it slowly get better. i can walk a bit but not sit. after a week plus only i start sitting slightly. even going to see doctor that time was like hell to me. i can't really sit in car. getting into car was killing me and getting old car was even worst. imaging like a wood it's straight and you're trying to bend it or break it. that's how i felt during that time. i totally can't explain those pain in words. even just a cough, you felt your back is ripping off.

taking those medicines, all i do for the entire week was sleep and eat. wake up to eat a slice of bread or porridge then medicines. after medicines sleep. the medicines are making me so drowsy. this is total a rest for me. i mean normally i would said rest and stuff like that but not till this stage. i was totally in rest on bed only. even my laptop is on but i never msn or fb or whatever. total REST !!!sort of an amazing happening to me coz usually i wouldn't be doing such thing. this is what i felt a total rest. i never ever thought i would be having this kind of rest because i don't have any choice of all.

second week came, back is getting better. but for face it's still the same. apparently it would be at least 1-3 months for full recovery. back in malaysia doctor would prescribe more medicines and vitamins for you to recover faster but not here. so i bought my own vitamins to supply for my body also because my mum told me to do so. i've got to do for my own health as well.

it was depressing for the very first week. why???imaging you can't do anything at all. i can't eat , can't talk, can't walk, can't stand, can't sit, can't sleep as in properly. though i lied on bed all the time coz that's the best thing for my health.

second week ending soon and third week approaching. back stll here and there. mum and dad called told me to go for xray. obviously i haven't done it but maybe next week or something.

so here about today. last couple of days i told myself maybe i should update my blog but i keep on ignoring after that. but today i guess i can't. supposedly today my sis told me my aunty is going for an operation. so my time 6.28pm, i gave my aunt a call thinking to ask how's her operation go. so she told me her operation was cancelled would be done on 6th april. i asked why???that's the answer i wouldn't wanna hear in my life AGAIN. she got diagnosed cancer same as the aunty left me 6 years ago. suddenly i felt history is repeating itself. i was trying to be calm but i know i can't. the moment i heard, emotions surfacein me. tears came down itself. my aunty knew it as well. i doesn't wanna worry her but i just can't help nor hide it. she said after the operation only can know which stage is she in. from there she might need to start doing chemo. hearing all these like going back to 9 years ago when my aunty told me when she first diagnosed with cancer.

9 years ago also around this time, my aunty diagnosed with cancer and left after her 3 years suffering. i seen her through those times and how hard going through chemo, operation after operation. that time i was 18 years old just left home going kuala lumpur to study. now here i am in melbourne , this aunty of mine having the same problem. exactly the same cancer same situation but i really wanna believe in a miracle to happen. both this aunties are the closest to me in my whole life. the first aunty left me was my second mum. i was closer to her since young compare to my own mum. current aunty is the one who brought me up since i'm young.she look after me and my bro since young. always going back home, if i wanna eat anything or need any help, this aunty would never say no. or else she would purposely buy food i loves to eat for me when i'm back.

the same thing both this aunties told me was 'don't worry,aunty would be fine. you don't cry ok?' when my aunty told me this sentence just now, it somehow brought me back me to 9 years ago how devastated i was when i first knew about it. i wanna be strong for them yet i can't help it myself.

there are relly so much thing in life we don't would happen. today might be well who knows what happen tomorrow. people being healthy then the next day they are sick. human are so vulnerable now. i'm not scared of death but rather this aunty of mine does not know christ yet. i know i need to pray even harder and fight even more harder for this battle. i know for my first aunty, the first miracle i saw wasn't she is being heal physically but at least accepted christ before she left. i do not want this aunty to accept christ only before she left but i really want her to testified how god heals her and gave her another new life. this is really my dream now. i'm yet to see another miracle to happen.

last 2 days i was watching a drama. in it, it keeps saying don't give up , there would be a miracle. never ever give up till the very end surely i will get to see another miracle.

i've learnt to treasure people around me especially when my first aunt left me. she is the very first person ever so dear and loved left me. i do not know how to deal or face it during that time. hearing this phone call from my aunty, so many things going through my mind. is it really time for me to be back to home for good now and stuff like that. i've been thinking when is the right time for me to go back for good and stuff like that....BAM suddenly news like this !!!!

everyone treasure people around you especially your love ones. you really do not know what would happen today what more tomorrow. live with no regret. it would too late to realised when they are gone !!!!

holiday holiday and holiday

it'a already september now without realising that time really passes really fast. i don't know what i've achieved for the year since third quarter of the year had past. now i'm still at the edge of job searching and holidaying. yes holiday is good but at times you felt so helpless about it not having any job yet.

last sunday i was back at home - as in my home back in kk. it always awesome to be back at home with everything around the house and be treated as a princess again. i arrived on 14th september 2008 morning which is a sunday morning also mid autumn festival. i don't even remember when was the last time i ever thought i would be back home with my family to celebrate mid autumn festival since the last 8 years. YEAH that's right i left home without celebrating with my family for 8 years. it was incredible knowing i'm back home for such a long time.

the best thing for mid autumn was what???have a guess definitely out of expectation for me. after we had our dinner, suddenly the wind started blowing strongly. within minutes such heavy rains begin and within minutes the most exciting thing happen, electric cuts off. imagine that man !!! i'm back for the mid autumn after 8 years and only for the few hours thought of having good time with family and this is what happen. i didn't blame anyone for it but i just felt it's funny. my parents was it's been so long you're back for mid autumn this is what you bring back. RAIN AND ELECTRIC CUT OFF. what an awesome celebration of reunion right??? it's a good memory for sure. haha....

btw, why i'm back here at home in between this time ???not end of the year or whatever. because i've got good news. my bro and fui yee engagement. i'm so excited about the moment i knew i got approval and i can come back. it's really a joyous moment for once a lifetime. so that's why i'm back at home for 3 weeks. it seems so fast now. it's already a week past. my gosh !!!! oh no !!! the moment i left melbourne i misses it but now i'm back i felt so hard to leave home again. human are just so hard.

these few days it was really good. this is time i'm it was slightly different coz i get to spend some time with my cousins and little kids. brought my couin 2 little kids for lunch and play with them. get to spend time with my cousin to catch up and really long chat. from lunch till back home then went for coffee and cake again. at night went to brought some cold desserts to my aunt house for my uncle, aunty, cousins and the little kids. play with those kids are really fun. they are so happy and childish. their laughter really makes you forgets about other stuff.

my mum on the hand, get addicted to the dessert i bought for her on tuesday night. from that night onwards every night my mum asked me buy for her to drinks. she loves it so much.

holiday it's really good always good. though without doing anything but get to spend time with own family members and some friends.

now can't wait for monday to come. engagement someone dear to me just makes me feel so excited !!!

the day i was BORN....part 2

arriving home, she took all the stuff and asking me to open the door. i sort of thinking why must she wants me to open the door. i know she is up to something but i don't know who are those people. once i on the lights , fyi my door facing the kitchen i saw preparation there, then where faa and jill jump out from the stairs shouting SURPRISE. it was surprise for me they are there. disappointment they are not the person i hope for. (haha.....i'm just joking....i'm more than happy to see you gals) yes the surprise just began. they actually cooked for me that night with nasi lemak, tomyam soup with adele's dessert. that night before i finished dinner i already start going to toilet. maybe stomach just can't too much that night. lunch was so super full and haven't digest yet dinner time. we started our dinner around 9pm about there.

the reason jill and faa wearing pajamas coz was preparing the dinner doesn't want their clothes to smells. i was just sitting there bumping around i'm free for the night. haha.

yes this is my room. all my soft toys. you to me adele taking is my pressie from her during my master convo end of last yr. jill taking is my cute little cj7 but she keep on criticised on it. faa is taking my little mushroom for massage. it's all cute stuff right ???i know ........ they are more behind or else hiding somewhere. the dinner preparation haven't done yet but we are just crazy taking pictures there....gals....!!!

seriously we just took too much pictures that night. starting of the night with pictures !!!

we looked pretty good in the pictures !!!

yes it is the same night just that i went to take a quick shower and changed into something much more comfortable for me. shirt and short <------joan tsen. who is the one hugging me and pampering me ??? guess it !!!

i know the person is still not showing the face !!! i think it's my problem taking my own face alone. haha

of coz as usual i always enjoyed being pampered especially on this day !!!! next you will get to see the face.

haha....finally everyone sees her !!! non other than ADELE KHOR. everyone doesn't need to think too much of someone else i'm mentioning just now. i wanna give some prank while you seeing and reading the post.

i don't remember this picture jill took for us or i'm the one taking it again coz i'm just too free.

this picture is good right ???love it !!!

aren't they cute???looks like mum and daughter !!! but jill is adele's grandma !! haha
don't ask me why ???but jill just decide to take picture with the 'tiang' i forgot what does it called in english for now even i know malay i'm wrong. seems like she wanna climb something.

this is faa she is cooking her tomyam. she gonna be a good housewife soon that's what we been teasing her. knew her from my multimedia course. the one we still keep in touch !!!

jill and her hair clip....don't care as long as i look alright ???if jill sees what i says her surely she will start scolding me....haha

after her hair clip are thrown away....she say looks better....haha

here the three graduates from master of multimedia still hanging out together. this is friendship for us. why unbutton her pajamas always a reason. coz she said she is also wearing something inside since everyone of us showing our 'clothes' so she wanted too !!!

the 2 super vain gals taking pictures all the way. just gotta used to it

good friend now no longer grandma and grand daughter !!! ;)

faa is cooking her tomyum food i'm just disturbing of coz and luckily you can't see properly what brand is she using but i know.

must take pictures before we starts our dinner too

cheers everyone !!!

the gals that given much surprises that night !!!

the food we had that night !!! great food.....seriously !!!

self decorate muffin. chocolate muffin bake by adele and those stuff prepare by her as well.
now the fun part begins.....this is what you get to do when someone birthday !!! it wasn't a torture to me at least everyone enjoy the fun and having a good time so why not ???it's only once awhile afterall...


this is only a few pictures of the 'fun' the gals had on me. some of it just too much sensor so i wouldn't be able to post it here. it was just stupid what we done.
there is still beauty out of the torture right ??? haha....at least tell me yes so i felt better !!!

the whole 'game' sponsor by dream whip---->whipped dairy cream. tell you what it does makes your face very oily after that.

the cake their prepare while i went for a shower after those whip cream on my face and clothes. the cream does make my eyes pain and face too oily for that. luckily there is no pimples coming out after that.....haha...
after shower so fresh....felt so good....no joke for that....
panna cotta made by adele. it's nice with coffee on top of it. at the same makes me misses sydney green tea panna cotta

here is adele promoting her panna cotta just like the other day being the 'bottle' promote as the chinese soya sauce "quote from steph tong"

yam seng for the four of us



this picture i don't know who took it but it gives me memories of my younger days. seems like i had a similar picture back at home the only thing i grew up now.








on top all those are pictures of faa,jill, adele and a few of jaclyn which is my housemate.
ok my new jacket from faa and jill and my new shining red converse shoes by adele coz she said she can't make the shimmering love hand made so she bought that for me !!! thank gals !!! love you all.
this is so good. adele trying have some fun with me end up.....see the next picture...
that's it .....she got bite by me.....it's so good been ages since i last bite someone !!! haha.....but seems like she loves it though....haha...


after bite someone finger then i gotta piggy back someone else.....




my sis was saying we are posing for australia next top model. but i realised one thing ...i was wearing my brand new shoes but jill, faa and adele was wearing pug shoes, hello kitty shoes and mashi maro shoes. funny....special shoes for that !!!

i think that's all for now. i'm tired uploading for tonight. more pictures can be found in my facebook.

all i can say i'm very thankful they organize this surprised for me and put so much effort in it. can't help but to say "thank you" to them once again. i really love them so much from the bottom of my heart. one of my friend told me i was really loved which i agreed. i know i'm very much loved and very much blessed. god been so faithful and gracious to me giving friends and family around me that really loving me for who i am.

ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. for if they fall, one will lift up his companion. but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up."

this is one of my favourite verse !!! god is great !!! without my family around me but still had this bunch of good friends around me !!!