Back to high school

Last couple of days were crazy. Attended my first housemate wedding in Ipoh. She marrying her long time boyfriend from Japan and really happy for them after all the hardships and distance that stands against them. They've made it.

Funny thing, those couple of days I've got the feeling back to high school and uni days. First of all high school when we hanging out after reception. Laughing and teasing all the way. After closing lounge and head to another place for supper and chat away. Those were the days the night forever young for us. But to gather with friends we only get to meet once a while is rare and really treasure it.

Uni days, when I'm wearing my jacket doing the short video clip for cherry's surprise during her reception. Sitting in cold hotel room with cold hands to do works really just like the days in Melbourne days.

Missing every part of these days. Friendship rules and really treasure it when you can. Hearts will keep us together.

Is it worth hardwork?

Since last week I've started my steps climbing. Kind of getting addicted to it but yet it can be fun and torturing, mixture feelings for sure.

Yesterday I decided not to listen to any songs and just pray along. Just be quiet and enjoy the surrounding and eager to hear from god.

As I walking up the steps, surely you will pants, take a deep breath and continue on. As somewhere I stopped, I look behind how far I have gone but I'm in the between before reaching the top. I told myself no way you are going to give up now, you must persevere till the end. I walk and stop and continue walk and stop and it continues till the end. When you see the steps coming nearer and nearer to me it's the hardest time especially you endured for so long. You wouldn't want to give up but yet the legs are dragging to it. Once you reached the top and see the sunshine, you felt the satisfaction, joy and fulfillment of completing it.

How to relate to the story? It's very very easy of my journey with him. At times of struggles and hard time, I thought of giving up on him yet he remain faithful all the time. He told me 'looking behind how far I've bring you through, are you going to give up just because of hard time?' it strucks me and tears almost come rolling down. Deep inside I'm telling myself not going to give up matter how hard life would be. Steps by steps looking behind, the journey of life. Almost reaching the end, you know your prize is awaiting you, that's more tortures, more challenge, more perseverance to reach your prize,but when you do, you will see the ever more beautiful sunshine and more satisfaction for trusting him and standing on mountain top with him. It's unexplainable that kind of feeling.

It's a new revelation for me climb steps every morning but also for health but my time with him alone and also remember he bringing and walking with me. I might disappoint him or fails him in all times, but he will still remain faithful to me. Thank you, lord. I love so much.

I persists on going every morning to meet him there and enjoy it. Even though it's tough, nothing come with any sacrificial. He first love us before anyone else.

Disappointed/betrayed!

Yesterday night was kind of a disappointed or felt being betrayed kind of feeling. That  feeling seems coming no after so many years. The first thing I know I just need to prayed rather than making assumptions and think too much about it which not helping me at all. Definitely it's all negative thoughts. It's always closest people hurt you the most when you love them endlessly and sacrifice for them all time. You hope they would appreciate at least and not behind you saying something else. That's heart broken enough when you saw it all by your own eyes. It just like a knife really stabbed right through your heart and twisted inside. Thats how I felt yesterday night.

When back home I'm thankful I have a friend who is by my side all the time even though midnight waiting for me to call and chat up everything so that I would feel better. Yesterday almost cried but I didn't allow myself. Do not want the emotions to take over me when at times expressing I would feel better but I'm strong enough for it.

I wanted to know the whole story as in I might able to spilled off everything that been bothering all the time but god haven't allow it to happen till now. My prayer has always been by god's grace and opening door we able to speaks forth the matter into heart rather tha harsh words. 

I know I need let go and forgive but it hurts still. I can't sleep well and this morning my heart still pumping so fast. It's anxiety I know. It's out of my control and knowing the reason why. Lord I really need you to calm me down and put things aside and give me the joy I wanted. I don't want to reap off as well not on things that I can't control at all. I hope I can be like before towards you lets god hope god's love is great enough to overcome me and pour in my life so I'll be able to love like I used to be. It's not only human love and god's abundant love flow through me.

Signing off! Pray for the best of the day and god's joy will be upon me!

You have make us proud!

It's been more than a year since I updated my blog but yet today decided to leave a simple message.

Watched the badminton final match on Sunday night which left some insights for me. People been talking and commenting about it.

Malaysia hero lee chong wei might not have won the gold and once again lost to his 4 yrs ago, last Olympic opponent lin dan but yet his won a lot of hearts. In every match, there will be a winning team and losing team but what counts it's the journey. It is simple saying and the player haven't proven it true. Even just getting silver, the Malaysian has stand up for him and declined his apologized because he has make them proud going all the way into final with him enduring by painkillers of his injuries as well only get to fully trained himself up within 2 weeks. His has not given on his sportsmanship. His endurance has brings courage and unity of his people just to gather and watch this match.

This I have learn as well. Whether on which side good or bad, it's ok, it's the process and journey that counts. It's your journey that wins heart when you have given yourself fully and not just the winning part. Stay focus and do your best!

today is the day....

wow !!! today is 28 JUNE 2011. this is the big day of years ago i was brought into. through my parents God send me to this world. no complains but the heart of thanksgiving. i was grateful i'm here with family and friends that love me so much. through ups and downs being there for me.

my parents unending grateful heart i need to thank them to bring me into the world. the unending love they have given me and the kind of support a parent would give to their child. without failing and without giving up on me. cheer me on until who am i today in this world.

my bro, sis and sis in law growing up together, fighting together even until together yet we are stil bro and sis without hard feeling. the memories as like child until today we can laughed about with our cousins growing up together. it's all part of our growing up and sharing our life together. we don't express it all the time but i love you all deeply.

all friends and relatives, whoever you are, you walks with me in certain season of my life be it good or bad. some we are still journeying it together. it's destined you all being a part of my life and making an impact of it. it's not easy to meet everyone around the world but the heart counts and the blessings you have spoke and done it my life.

most of all the creator of the world. without you i wouldn't be here. if you do not have the plans for me or created me i don't know where would i be today. at least we 'complaints' or 'whined' about life, but i know i'm living such a blessed life compare to alot of people out there. thank father in heaven. you through my eyes and brings me joy, everything i ever asked for, the pain i've walked through with you by side won the battle for me. you are who you are.

this is something i always hold on and it blew my mind how you recognize me even i know your existence. Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

lord, thank you for the future you hold for me and always giving me the hope i'm looking for. i would stand not because of your grace.

thanks to everyone been part of my life no matter which season would it be, standing by my side encouraging me, blessed me, whatever you have done i appreciated it so much to form who the JOAN TSEN today. love everyone of you heaps.

LONG LONG while...

it's been really awhile not awhile but almost 6 months/half a yr i haven't posted any post at all. it's been ups and downs especially coming back home. the real reason God allowed to stay whole 7 years in Melbourne meant a lot for me. if wouldn't for the 7 years i don't think i'm still standing today here. reminded me of israel houghton i'm still standing all because of you. a lot of challenges / differences back here i'm still trying hard to adapt and fit myself in. knowing the reason He wants me to be back here yet i'm still searching high and low and i should just be still for a moment and connect with his heart. i know but it's never easy. heart is willing but the flesh is weak though.

on the road of finding my career line and what i wanted to do most and my dream. wishing i can just succeed one day but who can reach the top without working hard and sacrificing for their dream. another step forward heading nearer to my dream.

trying to spend more time with you especially i find myself always get tired simply. health and health is on the way. good thing about being back here, i'm much more healthier in terms of my lifestyle. seldom late nights or sleeping in the dawn, food as well drinking rawfood stuff. that's something i never done before and which i would never last time. now taking all sorts of supplements to maintain good health. waking up early at 640am at times going for a walk in a hill or climbing up steps that's just weird, people who are close to me asked me am i sure what i'm doing? it's so not me at all. but yeah people do changes over time huh??? geeeezzz......i am wanted a healthier lifestyle and health. until one point everyone would be considering what they do because of some circumstances or things they found out they need to do something with it. i'm in that category too. sounds suspicious???well it's true !!!

pray that people around me having a good health and life that enjoyed rather than slaving themselves in any area.

ciao for now...

it's been awhile...

i've not noticed that my last post it's more than half year ago to be exact 8 months ago?

time passes without us knowing in a way it's been so fast. next saturday it's the day we remember of presents and gifts but as his children it's a day we remember he was born for our sake. YEAH !!! it's Christmas time. this year seems a bit quiet for me maybe i wasn't doing much or involve in ministry for the time being. back in those time, it's the most pack time and definitely rehearsing, having tones of fun. well well well, after that week another week ahead it's what????it's NEW YEAR. don't know whether should i be happy or not?i mean definitely well the new year with joy and stuff but at the same time a year older is another thing but setting goals and vision for myself. it's only 2 weeks away and i need to make myself clear of what i want and where he is directing me to.

today one of those day suddenly felt like blogging just being frustrated and angry. the funny thing is today i just took out the book named 'prison break' by mark conner. i open up the page it's about anger. fast to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. even if you're angry don't let the anger stay before the sun goes down. angry is not wrong it's an expression of anger but how we deal with it and how we deal that eventually lead us to sin. sometimes it's because of such a small gas of anger within a person and you read news about people being killed, beat up and etc it's all started with anger. control our anger and don't let our anger control us which might allows open up door for the evil one as well hurting our love ones.