Journey with YOU

today is the day....

2011-06-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

wow !!! today is 28 JUNE 2011. this is the big day of years ago i was brought into. through my parents God send me to this world. no complains but the heart of thanksgiving. i was grateful i'm here with family and friends that love me so much. through ups and downs being there for me.

my parents unending grateful heart i need to thank them to bring me into the world. the unending love they have given me and the kind of support a parent would give to their child. without failing and without giving up on me. cheer me on until who am i today in this world.

my bro, sis and sis in law growing up together, fighting together even until together yet we are stil bro and sis without hard feeling. the memories as like child until today we can laughed about with our cousins growing up together. it's all part of our growing up and sharing our life together. we don't express it all the time but i love you all deeply.

all friends and relatives, whoever you are, you walks with me in certain season of my life be it good or bad. some we are still journeying it together. it's destined you all being a part of my life and making an impact of it. it's not easy to meet everyone around the world but the heart counts and the blessings you have spoke and done it my life.

most of all the creator of the world. without you i wouldn't be here. if you do not have the plans for me or created me i don't know where would i be today. at least we 'complaints' or 'whined' about life, but i know i'm living such a blessed life compare to alot of people out there. thank father in heaven. you through my eyes and brings me joy, everything i ever asked for, the pain i've walked through with you by side won the battle for me. you are who you are.

this is something i always hold on and it blew my mind how you recognize me even i know your existence. Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

lord, thank you for the future you hold for me and always giving me the hope i'm looking for. i would stand not because of your grace.

thanks to everyone been part of my life no matter which season would it be, standing by my side encouraging me, blessed me, whatever you have done i appreciated it so much to form who the JOAN TSEN today. love everyone of you heaps.

LONG LONG while...

2011-05-26T20:36:00.001-07:00

it's been really awhile not awhile but almost 6 months/half a yr i haven't posted any post at all. it's been ups and downs especially coming back home. the real reason God allowed to stay whole 7 years in Melbourne meant a lot for me. if wouldn't for the 7 years i don't think i'm still standing today here. reminded me of israel houghton i'm still standing all because of you. a lot of challenges / differences back here i'm still trying hard to adapt and fit myself in. knowing the reason He wants me to be back here yet i'm still searching high and low and i should just be still for a moment and connect with his heart. i know but it's never easy. heart is willing but the flesh is weak though.

on the road of finding my career line and what i wanted to do most and my dream. wishing i can just succeed one day but who can reach the top without working hard and sacrificing for their dream. another step forward heading nearer to my dream.

trying to spend more time with you especially i find myself always get tired simply. health and health is on the way. good thing about being back here, i'm much more healthier in terms of my lifestyle. seldom late nights or sleeping in the dawn, food as well drinking rawfood stuff. that's something i never done before and which i would never last time. now taking all sorts of supplements to maintain good health. waking up early at 640am at times going for a walk in a hill or climbing up steps that's just weird, people who are close to me asked me am i sure what i'm doing? it's so not me at all. but yeah people do changes over time huh??? geeeezzz......i am wanted a healthier lifestyle and health. until one point everyone would be considering what they do because of some circumstances or things they found out they need to do something with it. i'm in that category too. sounds suspicious???well it's true !!!

pray that people around me having a good health and life that enjoyed rather than slaving themselves in any area.

ciao for now...

it's been awhile...

2010-12-18T01:45:00.000-08:00

i've not noticed that my last post it's more than half year ago to be exact 8 months ago?

time passes without us knowing in a way it's been so fast. next saturday it's the day we remember of presents and gifts but as his children it's a day we remember he was born for our sake. YEAH !!! it's Christmas time. this year seems a bit quiet for me maybe i wasn't doing much or involve in ministry for the time being. back in those time, it's the most pack time and definitely rehearsing, having tones of fun. well well well, after that week another week ahead it's what????it's NEW YEAR. don't know whether should i be happy or not?i mean definitely well the new year with joy and stuff but at the same time a year older is another thing but setting goals and vision for myself. it's only 2 weeks away and i need to make myself clear of what i want and where he is directing me to.

today one of those day suddenly felt like blogging just being frustrated and angry. the funny thing is today i just took out the book named 'prison break' by mark conner. i open up the page it's about anger. fast to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. even if you're angry don't let the anger stay before the sun goes down. angry is not wrong it's an expression of anger but how we deal with it and how we deal that eventually lead us to sin. sometimes it's because of such a small gas of anger within a person and you read news about people being killed, beat up and etc it's all started with anger. control our anger and don't let our anger control us which might allows open up door for the evil one as well hurting our love ones.

Dreams and Visions

2010-04-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

last month i heard a sharing about dreams and visions. it was good coz it's a reminder for me. i always been reminded not to give up on my dreams and visions i had. though it might seems so far away from me yet it will be able to accomplish in times to come.

everyone of us odd to have dreams. without dream we are like dead people. if we have unclear dream then it's like storm; it's uncertain and it would be hard to succeed in life. lastly people with clear dream and vision; these people would be successful. dream give us a hope for tomorrow. how can we head towards our dreams?
i)we must have a specific goal. abraham was called when he is 75 years old. it's not about how old we are but as long we have a specific goal it will keep us going towards the goal.

ii)challenging our courage. forcemen will strive for the dreams. with a specific goal, we would not give up until our dreams are being accomplished.

iii)don't waste time, save time !! remember time is gold. we should manage our time well. time just passed without us knowing it.

i)don't give up. every successful people faces failure before. if we fails, we are nearer to our goals of success.

when you read it seems so easy but it's hard to put into action especially we are hard press on every side.

one of my favourite verse 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "we are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed".

today is good friday, it's not just another to let it go without giving some thoughts about it. it's a day where god send his only begotten son for us. he died on the cross being cruficied brutally all for us whether we know him or not. he was blameless and without sin but chose this only way for us to have this special relationship with his father in heaven. let us just reflect on today where in this society quote easter as easter bunny, easter chocolate, easter egg losing the main focus of good friday and easter. even we know the true meaning but we got the sacrificial have done for us 2000 thousand years ago. god he reigns forever !!!! he is the great and mighty one loves us before anyone else with his unconditional love. we are looking everywhere for love yet forgotten who is the source of love. let us learn to love him more before loving people around us with the love he has pour into our life.

bored , lazy , unproductive

2010-03-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

i gotta say right now i'm so bored and thinking what to do. right now sitting in my friend's office blogging which is so not me totally out and knowing how bored am i....wishing to head home soon but dad called me to pick up sis from work so i need to wait another half an hour i guess....totally dozing into laziness and felt tired now with the super hot weather here....

this couple of days, internet back at home really sucks and bad...i can't do much about anything basically....it cuts off every few minutes and gets you tired to go online....

i know i sort of have to get back to reality i'm back in malaysia for good. i'm missing the weather in melbourne terribly though the weather it's slightly or known as crazy coz it's under estimated most of the time. i rather to be cold rather than hot seriously....cold the most you can do is wear more clothes whereas hot you can't wear less clothes....

i guess this blog more on myself complaining here or another to say i'm learning and trying to cope up with my life back in malaysia now and trying to imagine myself living here again with the people, weather, environment and so on....

what i felt unproductive now it's like i got so much in mind but i haven't done any actions yet. i don't where to start where i know i should have done something. i can get my mind straight to think what should i do first. i wanted things to be done in a split second which wouldn't happen and i don't want it happen just like that meaning i haven't go through the journey to success. i got friends discourage or more like does not agree what i have in mind but got friends agreed and encouraged me.

yesterday i met up with a friend who told me. 'don't just listen to what people say. seriously i think your idea works and you can do it. don't think so much but write down what you have in mind now and start doing it.' it makes sense as simple as that but that's very hard as well. getting into action really hard now for me. i can said i'm totally confused as in what to do right now in this period of time. searching high and low and looking for a meaning....it's a song lyrics came to my mind....but i was searching high and low only to find where to start off and my answer. i'm wishing someone around me can guide and lead me on....

i can say that i'm excited on what i wanted to do but at the same time fear. i know fear shouldn't be in me but fight for my dreams that i have in my life. god grant me the wisdom to do it according to your will and your favor will be upon me. it is a big challenge for me and i'm stuck now. i need a clear sign and direction where to head to.

i got other stuff on hand to do yet i'm still bumping me around can't settle my mind on a thing but flying everywhere else. concentration it's so hard to focus now.

getting back on track is what i needed now. hang in there babe i know i can do it for his grace is upon me. i shouldn't be worried and rest upon him with what's lies within me.

other than that, i know god had actually given sign shouldn't give up on people he wanted me to journey with. though it does mean that person will come to him straight but just being a friend or planting a seed in that very person. i thank god for that and i had say sorry becayse i know i shouldn't have doubt on the first time. on a sunday service, i prayed god if you wanted me to reach out to this person and not because of other people or whatever, within this week, that very person will actually called me. i said that prayer because i sort of know impossible where that person never call me before but only sms before. i've make myself clear. even sms me within the week was impossible coz that very person wouldn't sms ask me how am i doing? anyway i still remember clearly, within that week on tuesday night i saw that person, wednesday i saw that person in car but never contact after that. what miracle happen in evening time, that person suddenly called and i was shocked saw the caller id. as i was in shopping mall with friends, somehow i was brought back to my prayer where i totally not conscious about it. i knew it was the holy spirit telling me like 'see this is your answer now'. i was like stunned and stoned about it. that night i prayed lord, it's a joke right just a co-incident. i will believe he will call tomorrow again. see how doubtful i am even i was being trained and tested so much. eventually somehow to my surprised in evening time the next day, that person really called and chatted awhile. i was totally restless and don't know to do. i don't know to confused myself or doubt again. i think god gave me another chance the day after again. in between afternoon another call from that person and what more that call lasted for 40 minutes. can you believe it?i was like ok god i shouldn't doubt i know i shouldn't but i did. i will accept it and be your vessel in anyway you wanted me to bring this person to. one way or another god is really testing me and bringing to the edge i got no choice but to totally believe in him. thank god for your answer.

i love you so much !!!! continue other time. time to leave now !!!

news of 2 months.....

2010-02-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

it's has been almost 2 months i'm back home now. though it seems a little long but at the same time pretty short as well. once back in december make a trip to hong kong in december for friend's wedding. end of january make a trip to taipei. it was good attending friend's wedding and meeting a few old friends where i get to know from melbourne. taipei qite a good place with much delicious food but it was such a short trip definitely will be there again in future to explore more and going their nature places.

loving my life back at home though it slightly different now. going out and going where at least sometimes gotta let my parents know not like when i'm in melbourne going everywhere and don't have to tell anyone and just leave home. other than that everything is good. lifestyle over here for me quite the same as in sleeping time and hanging out. back here always got the attitude of going out till late or else every night that's quite a bad habit to some people would say but at least my parents are fine with it. this is a lifestyle where i don't do in melbourne. most my night time would hanging at home unless there is function or whatever. a good thing would be sometimes back at home i would sleep slightly earlier compare my time in melbourne. i don't know why but i do. i don't really sleep at 6 or 7am anymore rarely the most would be before 5am. it's a good improvement though. i know i gotta adjust my time before i get a job here and let my body get use to it.

during this period of time there are always good and bad times. still in the mode of confusion on myself i reckon searching during this period of time what am i suppose to do while i'm waiting the right time to head off to hillsong college. it's my desire to attend hillsong college but it's all up to HIM, i still need to surrender to him. apart from it, i'm deeply searching which field should i get into and when i should get involved in ministry. i really hope i hope i can help out and serve in some area of ministry before i get rusty....nah, actually i doesn't wanna waste my time not doing the work of god. basically right now i can't see visually what i'm doing to expand god's kindgom i felt i'm doing nothing. right now back here meeting up with old friends and new friends i guess it's one of the thing i have place to do something.

old friends meeting up sometimes i do hope i can help more and helping them to find god once again, encourage them to turn back to god or even just to listen to them what's their struggle and things been happening since we left high school especially those i haven't seen them for ages.

met a new friend i totally having burden for him. it was hard for me thinking should i be doing it or not because of fear. i still can't get over th fact i actually missed a chance inviting him to church where he had open up the topic and repeating the question to me for a few times yet i never take any action. it's really my regret. i still remember having the conversation with him it's christmas eve. he asked where am i going to celebrate for christmas eve. i told him church. next would be what time. he repeated few times then what time i'm going church. god actually open up the door but i've missed it, i know i wasn't bold enough. that morning before meeting this friend somehow i prayed god to open door and somehow will allow we talked about him in whatever ways he can. it even came to my realisation he haven't actually heard the gospel before or totally a stranger to him about christianity. i felt so crush off during christmas eve service. i was stirred and realised but haven't i invited him that very night. i missed the ever most precious chance. from now on i can only pray for another chance but at the same time now making friend with him to build the friendship trust to able to testify god for him. what makes me felt wanted to give up was rumours around. people will start making assumptions or spreading rumours or asking weird question just because it's a guy and gal thingy. why can't guy and gal be friends i was thinking at times?it's a bit different i felt back here compare to melbourne. back there even though i'm close with guys, people wouldn't simply spread rumours and pretty fine with it. back here it might be once or twice people saw you, stories start flying around. i don't like to be lime light when i was just back and spreading unnecessary stuff as well i might worried losing a friend. i know i was a worrier but i can't help it at times.

chinese new year started during the month of february. what it meant more foods for me as well. the month of feasting non-stop. never skipped a meal yet might be a few more meals than normal. it's good time with family and relatives. no complaint for it. fourth day had open house that night is the least i've eaten been busy for the whole day. morning dim sum then went to bought stuff whatever we needed for the night.i guess this year we spend the most on drinks. before chinese new year i bought 5boxes of box drinks, 2 dozen of 1.5 soft drinks, another dozen of orange juice and imagine how fast it has gone without you knowing. actually my little cousin drank like no one business i mean he isn't little anymore turning 11 this year. so on fourth day we another 4/5 boxes again and a dozen of 1.5litre coke again with a carton of shandy. craziness and it's gone within a night what more i can't find drinks for myself that night. freaky right?but it was fun...really fun though was a bit stress that night too!!!!

fifth chinese new year the day we waited much of those stress and preparation, 9499 10th reunion of smallsaints. 2 weeks beore the reunion you felt more stress and burden with so much things to do. what more the night before reunion. alot of last minute preparation. that night was so busy. in the afternoon was already there with other committees member decorating the venue and preparing. 4pm went home to take our bathe 5pm back there all ready for the night. that night most of the time can't believe i was at the stage helping out making sure everything runs well. thank god everything went smoothly. what's more comforting when all hardwork and effort had been put in, everyone saying it's successful and everyone enjoyed it so much. that's the whole purpose on it make it worthwhile for the effort. thanks for everyone who helped out whether in big or small/people who attended that's the reason we are doing it !!!! good job everyone.....;)

reunion best part i think bringing back old memories and good old times. funniest i think one of the group actually sang backstreet boys 'as long as you loves me'. everyone cheers and laugh the reason was really old school hits for us...when we are young....haha....times past really fast though with a glimspe of eyes it's been 10 years. it also brings back so many old friends we haven't seen for so long...so much laughter. that night ends like 11pm with packing up 1130pm. after that head to another friend's place and crashed down. chatting and some of them continue to drink. i know i head home about 3am. reaching home i totally gone case. suddenly felt so relieved and tired should say right after the event, i totally lost myself but still went along with my friends. the next day i don't know i slept for how long. but still i woke up when friends called me. in the end someone called me eventually i really got up from my bed then took my bathe.

this very person consider special in a way i guess. she is baby used to babysit by my aunt 20 years ago. so a week before chinese new year, we met her dad in a coffee shop so said chinese new year will pay us a visit. eventually they came, so she took my number saying before she head back to singapore for studies will drop by again to chat with me. so she came after that. we chatted and bring her for teatime, satay she wanted earlier but her dad couldn't get it for her. what's most amazing, even the little things i don't remember but this kid does. luckily i pampered them before not torturing them or else i guess she will remember for her whole life. now she is coming over visit us coz she remember how we treated her while she is baby till don't know how old is she i couldn't remember myself. till now she called my dad 'uncle dad' in hakka which pretty funny though. it make me realised actually no matter where we are and what we are doing whether right now, 10years before or 10 years to come, actually it does matter to people around us. when we thought the least kids would understand, but the good things they will remember the details knowing who actually shower them it love. it's not like i'm doing something wrong now or anything but it's just the way i represent myself to people in 20 years down the road , people coming over and tell me what i've done to them hopefully something impacting their life and change them.......i wish i can do something much more useful able to pin down the memories in people's life. every actions count from now.......bear in mind !!!!

i'm pretty much excited because someone is visiting me all the way from kl before heads back to melbourne. i felt super blessed....love ya so much....will update more coz i'm too tired now to continue with the post....

revelation !!!

2009-12-11T21:37:00.000-08:00

last saturday (05-12-09) was my last saturday in citylife church before leaving for good...at least it's for now. senior pastor mark conner started the topic of revelation which it's quite interesting where he mention about peope discussing when the 'day' is coming especially with the movie '2012' is out now. but he talks more on our faith which what we don't know going to happen even what we are going through right now. it's a simple message yet it's really a reminder and does build me up. i'm just loving the words in citylife as always. always simple, applicable and got to think inside your heart. worship was awesome and missing it so much now.

he shared on revelation 1:9-20. what is faith? faith is our convictions on who he is to us. faith be measure with little, weak, strong, full of faith, great faith and etc. all of these being mention in the bible. we heard so many times, without faith it's impossible to please HIM. what are the ways for us to grow of faith?there are 3 points to it which:-

1. trust in god
- remember no matter what happen there is always a god reigning above....he is in control of every single thing.
- great faith is not only seeing the miracle then trust him but no matter what we still stand firm to him with his promises for us
- trust grows when we experienc the trustee from god (eg david vs goliath). david trusted god since he killleda bear even before facing the goliath. with what he experienced, his trust for god continue to grow
- remember the great deeds of god how can we go through with the past experiences before
- first jump/first time always the hardest but when he brings us through our trust grows
- romans 8:28

2. expect god to keep his promises
- every promise of god need to be tested.
- psalm 105(have a read)
- the delay of god's promises it's to grow our faith not to cause damage to our heart
- ephesians 3:20

3. never give up
- revelation book is about endurance , patience....
- john 16:23
- acts 14:21
- when faith is tested an opportunity of endurance to grow
- refused to give in

isn't it just a simple message yet easy for us to digest??our journey with him, we just odd to have faith and continue to grow in it. when circumstances arise, our promises being delay, we shouldn't be despise, discourage, give up but endure towards the end, holding on to what god telling us rather than people or the enemy telling us. our promises from him need to tested through our faith and realising we are capable to step into it and move into a greater level in life. it just reminds me of reading the book peaks and valleys....always on my mind, when you want greater blessings, your testing would be greater. faith needs to grow so that you are capable of doing greater things for me. all of us need to move forward rather than backwards !!! fight for god.....

psalm 46

2009-11-28T05:04:00.001-08:00

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields [b] with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

i still remember clearly i need to prepare this chapter 2 years ago when i was going to Heyuan, China for my first ever mission trip. during that 2 weeks, everyone of us need to take turn to prepare for he devotion and shared about it. our team leader had chosen every chapter of psalm for each of us. so either we prepare before we go over or else when we are there, we prepare it. so anyway, i was given psalm 46. it was such a conforting and good verse.

always remember be still and know he is our god. he is our refuge and strength. this evening services in church, before singing the song 'still', worship shared on psalm 46 and it brings back my memories in china how we face challenges yet we never give in but keep fighting praying fervently for breakthrough. during this season of struggles, challenges, valleys, it reminded me of all those thing, i shall be still and know he is my god. he have given me the strength for it. don't allow whatever happens around me drawn away my attention from HIM but on those thing happening around. though i was serving in media today i really almost cried when the song started. it's also exactly the song i chose to sing in the mission before i shared the words. god bringing back where i can be strong and rely on him and now is the time to quiet myself. BE STILL !!!

Still lyrics

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

the armour of god

2009-11-28T04:58:00.000-08:00

The Armour of God

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

really just wanted to share this verses and also another one psalm 46 in the next blog.

2009-11-28T04:39:00.000-08:00

lately some people those are close to me said i've got high patience and tolerance but i was just thinking as i reflecting back i realised i do. but at the same time i was thinking how far can i go this time? i know for sure i wouldn't burst in front of people but it's kind of suffocating me in a way. i really want to let go yet as days goes by, i get to know more things happening and got frustrated about it. i know it's not over yet what till i'm back home as in really home. i felt at times day really past by slightly slower as you're unhappy or being hurt in the matter. i just wish things didn't happen and wouldn' happen but shouldn't it's unavoidable since it had happen. turning back the time is impossible. the more you invest, the more your effort, the more you give in, the more you feel the pain, hurt, sorrow...you can just name it.

today spoke of armour of god. we should put the full armour of god. not partly but th full ARMOUR OF GOD !!! it was fantastic message. sometimes we tense to ignore did no realised the things happening around us where the enemy is at work. but we need to stand firm until the very end. it occurs to everyone of us, as paul said it. whatever we are facing in our life now whether good or bad, we need to put on the armour of god to be ready all the time. even in good times does no mean the bad times wouldn't come.

each other day i need to forgive now. thanks for your word and encouragement. i definitely going to survived through this season and bringing breakthrough to th next season. there is greater things awaiting for me as the challenges bigger than i can take it. my father in heaven is more than a conqueror and working in the spiritual realm fighting for me, my families and friends around the whole....love you always...you are the best and irreplacable in the world..you rocks and rules in my life...

updates updates updates

2009-11-26T03:12:00.000-08:00

it's been such a long time since i last blog. life been busy blogging definitely is not first priority. busy with what i doesn't know but seems to be things non-stop.

from the month of september to october was 'excited', out of expectation, like a roller coster. with a glimspe of eyes, things been going around, the world is still moving but i felt i was stopped during that moment of life thinking what is going on. it's sor of a nightmare yet not really. till the point i do not know how to express myself. but one thing for sure i'm thankful for all the people, my love ones standing by my side going through together and those going through with me. i love every single one of you. very much love and hugs to you all.

during valleys i'v grown for sure and a time of learning. it was a big challenge and forever HE proven He is even more faithful in my life. i can't deny the fact, He is there by my side, walking with me side by side especially in those hurts, sorrow, things are out of my hands, not forgetting the joyous moment, the happy times. HE s always there. always love you and forever grateful for who you are.

now is the time to think what am i going to do the next half a year orwhat is going to happen to me in another month to come. i'm excitd with he unseen yet anxious about it. i know i shouldn't be anxious about it. keep dreaming i know oe day it will come true. without a vision/dreams we will be dead. everyday is a brand new hope, brand new day with a brand new grace.

i'm pump up this saturday i'm able to do VPS for church again. that's something i'm looking forward as this is my very last time serving in CityLife church before i move back. it was a blessing to be in the media team, learning so much and while enjoying it. media always been something i love getting involved so one of my dreams had been succeed. i wll definitely misses the team especially this year i wouldn't be able to get involve in christmas production. that's the best part of the year and best production to get involve. i just remember how satisfied it is and what an experience.

it's already the 4th day back in Melbourne but i realised i'm dead boring here already and really it's time for me to move on. seems like this place does not belong to me anymore. god really know the best when i should be here and leave. i just felt so different not the last time how i felt and enjoyed so much. thank god i was well prepared by you. right now this moment seriously i don't feel i will misses here a lot yet as in not those food or whatever i don't know what does it called.

anyway, just some random stuff i wanted to write. this proves i'm too bored and don't where to write and what should i do...anyone want to go out for a drink??haha...it's like a say from me back at home coz i'm still not used to it staying at home for the whole 4 days !!! craziness for me...geezzz

another updates

2009-07-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

after 18 days back at home, it's time to come back melbourne again. when in kk airport, met my friend's mum so coincidence. she is flying over to sydney to visit both my friends over there. so yeah in kl we said bye coz she's flying sydney and i'm flying melbourne.

came back here on 10th june then my family arrived on 16th june. mum, bro and fui yee's stay here for only a week. sis, fui yee and van van stay here for a month till 14th july. it was good time with mum around but she worries me alot after she left i think. cooking everyday with soup for us. in between on 19th june i flew over to perth for lisa's wedding. close buddy of mine since high school also as her bridesmaid. i was totally sick during that time. flying to perth takes 5hrs from melbourne it's like killing me. i flew off from melbourne at 8 or 9am something arriving perth time around 12pm something. kelvin came to pick me up and brought me for lunch. then he brought me to his house after lunch to have a rest which i was so thankful. after that off for dinner, after dinner head over to lisa's house for a moment and see how's her preparation for her wedding. so 20th was her big day. morning 9am woke up shower went out breakfast then head over to lisa's place. to cut it short right after her reception at night 11pm something perth time i flew back to melbourne on the very same day. i arrived melbourne 5am something melbourne time. reached home shower, slept like 2 hrs then bring mum they all out again. that's why i was so sick. after mum left i spend more time at home resting. every alternate day i need to boil soup but need to cook everyday for my dearest fui yee.

on 7th july flew over to sydney for hillsong conference till 12th july. supposedly before sydney we got our gold coast trip but was being cancelled coz everyone was sick adding on with the swine flu going around so pretty worried to travel with sickness so that's why it was being cancelled.

ok back to hillsong conference. this year i didn't attend as a delegate but as a volunteer. cool huh???it is...very worth it but also very tiring. totally a different experiences being a delegate. what's more blessed is because i can give my conference ticket to my sis and after 6-7 years of not attending church she is giving a go. praise god changed her in the very conference. she is at least went church on last sunday after back from melbourne. continue pray god will changed her more and give her more relevation about her walk with god. so it was all good. fui yee enjoyed as well but was very tiring for her. conference ended on friday night. so saturday morning, i went out with fui yee to buy breakfast/lunch back hotel coz we are too tired to go out eat. so yeah we bought so much stuff and we spend like aud60++ that very meal. we were laughing as if we haven't eat almost the whole week because of conference every night we are almost eating the very same thing. that's how funny we always is and doing all stupid stuff.

13th night sending they all to airport which was another sad day for me. mum they all left i didn't cry at all maybe because sis they all still there. that night i thought i really won't cry but in the end i still can't contain it. after the very hugged tears coming down. sis and fui yee headed in so fast coz tears coming down from them too. on the way back home, i didn't talk much at all or should say i didn't talk. shower hide inside the room felt so different and quiet in the room. very cold coz normally including 4 persons in my room, we talked, chatted, laughed suddenly it's all disappear. tears come down without you noticing it at all. but now consider back to normal state....but i still misses all of them so much !!!

will post other stuffs and how is my journey lately coz i think it will be more long and need more inspiration to type..

Highlights for the couple of months !!

2009-07-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

it's been 4 months for my last updates. here is a quick one where i have been so far for the couple of months.

may 28 2009 was one of the greatest and joyous day for our family. yeah my bro got married after dating with her girlfriend of 8 years. whole family is so happy about it at the same time i got the chance to be back home for 18 days. it's not very long yet short but a very memorable moment. it was such a busy day especially on 27 and 28 itself. 27th is the night before they got married where guy and gal would have their own dinner with relatives and friends. but in the end i did went to fui yee's place for a visit and chat a bit. then head back home before 12am to witness my bro what chinese said 'combing hair'...oh well i don't understand all of it but it's a tradition thingy. funny thing i remember was bro went to change all the bedsheet and stuff(all in red) but my mum came in and said 'who told you to change?'. mum said must be done by my aunty which is elder and married. so we all was laughing our heads off. then that aunty did the combing hair for bro. didn't really get to sleep really early but gotta wake up pretty early coz gotta pick up the BRIDE. i reckon i woke up like 7am something shower changed and prepared. i took my dv cam for me to record and sis got to take her dslr. so yeah family projects and we gotta drive our own car there. i leave once my bro leave coz gonna video it and then i gotta be first to arrived the bride's house to record the moment they arrived. but before we left, bro did another mistake. he opens his own door to enter the car which apparently should be his friend the 'driver' to open. he gotta come out and let the friend do it again. it was so funny. but on the car would be a red cloth to cover from left to right side on top. arriving bride's house, her uncle and aunty then gotta put another red cloth behind from left to right as well. it's alright if you doesn't understand what i'm saying. i can only imagine it for now but can't really get into words. never knew all these until i witness myself. so was anxious went to see fui yee still doing her make up and she is gorgeous seriously. about 930 i think she came down with her dad bringing her down handing her hand over to bro. btw, we got the timing to be there around 9am and must leave fui yee's house before 11am and arrived my house. then after exchanging rings, tea ceremony. also the same thing, my parents can't go with bro to pick up the bride. they must stay at home and wait. so after the tea ceremony, fui yee's parents can't go with her to my place as well only her uncles and aunties allow to go. so arriving home, my parents must stay inside the room before fui yee's enters the house. once she enters already once my parents can come out. it's something saying honoring/respecting my parents or something. i don't really know actually. then tea ceremony session my place starts. ok i got to drink from my bro. coz both me and sis is older. it super seldom and ages heard my bro actually called us 'jie yim cha'...that's like antique for us but those who saw the pics in fb understand we were laughing our heads off during the tea session. one funny happen as well, when i went for the tea, dad said ok let me take over for the tea for you and sis. i said you know how to use???he said yes...then end up i realised he didn't even press record...that's like so so hilarious with my dad expression on it...it was good tea food mum order...love it as well dinner. dinner didn't get to eat much....it was a new beginning life for both bro and fui yee. another level of life with marriage.

but during that night i was a bit sad also because of my aunt. was talking with uncle and he suggesting one time we should go china together and travel around. we were so happy chatting and suddenly touches the most sensitive issue. it was my aunty who passed away which is my uncle's wife, aunty is so dear to me and my godmum. uncle started with the topic how is my current aunt condition?then uncle said he don't dare to see my current aunt coz will makes him think back of my aunty(his wife). eventually tears flow down from my uncle and both me and sis trying to console my uncle but in the end both me and sis can't control anymore. tears started flowing down from our eyes as well. memories suddenly all coming back and wishing that moment my aunt was there to witness bro getting married and stuff like that. really missing her so much. after like 2-3minutes, we all trying to recollect ourselves. but at the same time fui yee was there and didn't heard the conversation suddenly ask sis why is she crying. later only she found out the reason. that night indeed i was very happy for both bro and fui yee yet my heart really misses my aunty so much...indeed people who left you forever will only crafted memories in your heart no matter how much you wished they would be there, but it's all only memories.

FAiITH

2009-03-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was reading a book. supposedly i should had finish the book ages ago. started reading it since last yr. i've been slacking that's why. i reckon been months since i last read a book or completed one. yesterday night i just felt i need to read a book and chose to continue with my book named 'believe that you can' by jentezen franklin. yes he is one of my favourite speaker and author. this is really good at least to me and i would recommend if anyone interested.

this book talking about dreams and visions. yesterday night i just chose to continue with it and the title was 'never doubt your vision'. it surprises me of coz. it talks about dreams that we might have and if it's eally fom god definitely we can succeed it. sometimes we got our vision and dream, we knew where are heading but somehow during this time we don't where are we and where are we going??yes obviously how it resemble me. i know where i should be going and what i wanted but during this time i really struggle not knowing where am i or where am i heading to now.

with all dreams and visions surely it involved FAITH. the sentence that struck me most would be 'if you have to understand everything then only you trust and serve, then you would not understand the concept of FAITH'. it also talks about three days from nowhere. during this time you're confused. you don't know where god is. you don't know where you are. you know where you're oing but this doesn't look like where you're supposed to be at this time in your life. everyone of us has trial in lifetime. trials are just faith boosters to get our immune system up then comes a big one, the trial of lifetime. trial of lifetime would lead to experience of a lifetime. if we able to hold on to the trial of lifetime, it's going to become the blessig of a lifetime.

life would never be easy whether being a christian or non-christian. if you hold on to your circumstances right now without out giving up, surely we would be overcome and have a breakthrough in times to come. it's through struggle and hardship we would grow and experience a lifetime. if we give up, we had failed our purpose during that period of time.

don't be discouraged if you're far away from your dreams or visions right now. if it is given by god, he will help you and bring you there. to reach your destination, there odd to be some circumstances you need to go through before god brings you there. as long as you are still breathing now, you are on his mind. rest assured of that. no matter how hard it is keep striving. it the same goes saying for myself. even when people discourage you, if knowing your dreams are definitely from god, don't give up. your rewards doesn't from people here on earth.

what is pain???

2009-03-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

"Pain is temporary, it may last a minute, or
an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it
will subside and something else will take its
place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

this quote i got from someone else blog. apparently the quote is from Lance Armstrong. when i read this, it's hits me. how true it is. the words are simple yet so profound.

no matter how pain we need to go through in our life in any circumstances in any time, the pain will subside and other things would take over. after some time, we might forgotten about it or else might be other pain will take away the present pain. no matter whatever we are facing in our life, we mustn't give up HOPE. HOPE is somethin we long for and look to if not there would be no tomorrow for us. with HOPE i believe we shouldn't quit and endure.

in our life, i believe everyone of us will experience pain. it can be a small thing or a big thing. stomach pain surely everyone been thru before or else the very pain we felt would be losing someone we loved dearly.

that's the reason i felt the quite is applicable to everyone of us. we shouldn't quit, because once we quit that's the end of our story.

LIFE !!!

2009-03-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

lately i have been thinking when was the last time i updated my blog. as i just saw it, it's 6 months ago. half a year. why now i would take the time to blog and write???i guess i'm reflecting what has been going on with my life recently.

exactly on 1st of march 2009, i was sick. two days before i was sicked, i felt something wasn't right with me but anyway, i didn't bother much thinking it might be i just catch a cold or something. but on saturday morning only i realised i was wrong. i remember waking up that day, i felt some what backpain thinking it was normal sometimes i didn't sleep well. boxhill store manager gave me a call to wake me up to collect the modem from me. after passing him the modems, i went back to sleep till like 12pm and it's time to wake up. i woke up preparing to go church but the backache got worst. i started can't really walk and can't bend anymore. so i decided to give my media director a sms to let her know to find someone to swap me. so i rest on bed thought it would be better but i was wrong, as time passed, it got worst only. by evening time, the pain is unbearable. i haven't been in such pain before. i still remember clearly at night those pain i couldn't take at all i would cried myself there. i can't do much. i can't stand, sit nor sleep. i move a inch, you just felt the pain. but worst of all there is no such position would reduce your pain. apart from that, at the same time i got bell palsy. in short, left side of my face was numb so end up i can't really talk nor eat. it got to do with facial nerve. that day at the same time , i was knocked off by two sickness. sunday early morning 750am my friend, steph accompanying by adele took me to doctor. basically i can't wait for morning to come so i could visit the doctor coz the painkiller i took at home it's not helping at all.

sunday went to see doctor. face as i knew myself bell palsy. i got it 10 years ago i can still remember but my sis got it last year and my bro the year before but somehow the doctor said this is not a genetic thingy. but all my brother and sister got it as well. for bell palsy, doctor here only gave i don't know what medicine. i only knew the painkiller was given pretty good at least after i took it i can take a nap forgetting the pain for a moment. backache took me like after 4 days it slowly get better. i can walk a bit but not sit. after a week plus only i start sitting slightly. even going to see doctor that time was like hell to me. i can't really sit in car. getting into car was killing me and getting old car was even worst. imaging like a wood it's straight and you're trying to bend it or break it. that's how i felt during that time. i totally can't explain those pain in words. even just a cough, you felt your back is ripping off.

taking those medicines, all i do for the entire week was sleep and eat. wake up to eat a slice of bread or porridge then medicines. after medicines sleep. the medicines are making me so drowsy. this is total a rest for me. i mean normally i would said rest and stuff like that but not till this stage. i was totally in rest on bed only. even my laptop is on but i never msn or fb or whatever. total REST !!!sort of an amazing happening to me coz usually i wouldn't be doing such thing. this is what i felt a total rest. i never ever thought i would be having this kind of rest because i don't have any choice of all.

second week came, back is getting better. but for face it's still the same. apparently it would be at least 1-3 months for full recovery. back in malaysia doctor would prescribe more medicines and vitamins for you to recover faster but not here. so i bought my own vitamins to supply for my body also because my mum told me to do so. i've got to do for my own health as well.

it was depressing for the very first week. why???imaging you can't do anything at all. i can't eat , can't talk, can't walk, can't stand, can't sit, can't sleep as in properly. though i lied on bed all the time coz that's the best thing for my health.

second week ending soon and third week approaching. back stll here and there. mum and dad called told me to go for xray. obviously i haven't done it but maybe next week or something.

so here about today. last couple of days i told myself maybe i should update my blog but i keep on ignoring after that. but today i guess i can't. supposedly today my sis told me my aunty is going for an operation. so my time 6.28pm, i gave my aunt a call thinking to ask how's her operation go. so she told me her operation was cancelled would be done on 6th april. i asked why???that's the answer i wouldn't wanna hear in my life AGAIN. she got diagnosed cancer same as the aunty left me 6 years ago. suddenly i felt history is repeating itself. i was trying to be calm but i know i can't. the moment i heard, emotions surfacein me. tears came down itself. my aunty knew it as well. i doesn't wanna worry her but i just can't help nor hide it. she said after the operation only can know which stage is she in. from there she might need to start doing chemo. hearing all these like going back to 9 years ago when my aunty told me when she first diagnosed with cancer.

9 years ago also around this time, my aunty diagnosed with cancer and left after her 3 years suffering. i seen her through those times and how hard going through chemo, operation after operation. that time i was 18 years old just left home going kuala lumpur to study. now here i am in melbourne , this aunty of mine having the same problem. exactly the same cancer same situation but i really wanna believe in a miracle to happen. both this aunties are the closest to me in my whole life. the first aunty left me was my second mum. i was closer to her since young compare to my own mum. current aunty is the one who brought me up since i'm young.she look after me and my bro since young. always going back home, if i wanna eat anything or need any help, this aunty would never say no. or else she would purposely buy food i loves to eat for me when i'm back.

the same thing both this aunties told me was 'don't worry,aunty would be fine. you don't cry ok?' when my aunty told me this sentence just now, it somehow brought me back me to 9 years ago how devastated i was when i first knew about it. i wanna be strong for them yet i can't help it myself.

there are relly so much thing in life we don't would happen. today might be well who knows what happen tomorrow. people being healthy then the next day they are sick. human are so vulnerable now. i'm not scared of death but rather this aunty of mine does not know christ yet. i know i need to pray even harder and fight even more harder for this battle. i know for my first aunty, the first miracle i saw wasn't she is being heal physically but at least accepted christ before she left. i do not want this aunty to accept christ only before she left but i really want her to testified how god heals her and gave her another new life. this is really my dream now. i'm yet to see another miracle to happen.

last 2 days i was watching a drama. in it, it keeps saying don't give up , there would be a miracle. never ever give up till the very end surely i will get to see another miracle.

i've learnt to treasure people around me especially when my first aunt left me. she is the very first person ever so dear and loved left me. i do not know how to deal or face it during that time. hearing this phone call from my aunty, so many things going through my mind. is it really time for me to be back to home for good now and stuff like that. i've been thinking when is the right time for me to go back for good and stuff like that....BAM suddenly news like this !!!!

everyone treasure people around you especially your love ones. you really do not know what would happen today what more tomorrow. live with no regret. it would too late to realised when they are gone !!!!

holiday holiday and holiday

2008-09-20T03:22:00.000-07:00

it'a already september now without realising that time really passes really fast. i don't know what i've achieved for the year since third quarter of the year had past. now i'm still at the edge of job searching and holidaying. yes holiday is good but at times you felt so helpless about it not having any job yet.

last sunday i was back at home - as in my home back in kk. it always awesome to be back at home with everything around the house and be treated as a princess again. i arrived on 14th september 2008 morning which is a sunday morning also mid autumn festival. i don't even remember when was the last time i ever thought i would be back home with my family to celebrate mid autumn festival since the last 8 years. YEAH that's right i left home without celebrating with my family for 8 years. it was incredible knowing i'm back home for such a long time.

the best thing for mid autumn was what???have a guess definitely out of expectation for me. after we had our dinner, suddenly the wind started blowing strongly. within minutes such heavy rains begin and within minutes the most exciting thing happen, electric cuts off. imagine that man !!! i'm back for the mid autumn after 8 years and only for the few hours thought of having good time with family and this is what happen. i didn't blame anyone for it but i just felt it's funny. my parents was it's been so long you're back for mid autumn this is what you bring back. RAIN AND ELECTRIC CUT OFF. what an awesome celebration of reunion right??? it's a good memory for sure. haha....

btw, why i'm back here at home in between this time ???not end of the year or whatever. because i've got good news. my bro and fui yee engagement. i'm so excited about the moment i knew i got approval and i can come back. it's really a joyous moment for once a lifetime. so that's why i'm back at home for 3 weeks. it seems so fast now. it's already a week past. my gosh !!!! oh no !!! the moment i left melbourne i misses it but now i'm back i felt so hard to leave home again. human are just so hard.

these few days it was really good. this is time i'm it was slightly different coz i get to spend some time with my cousins and little kids. brought my couin 2 little kids for lunch and play with them. get to spend time with my cousin to catch up and really long chat. from lunch till back home then went for coffee and cake again. at night went to brought some cold desserts to my aunt house for my uncle, aunty, cousins and the little kids. play with those kids are really fun. they are so happy and childish. their laughter really makes you forgets about other stuff.

my mum on the hand, get addicted to the dessert i bought for her on tuesday night. from that night onwards every night my mum asked me buy for her to drinks. she loves it so much.

holiday it's really good always good. though without doing anything but get to spend time with own family members and some friends.

now can't wait for monday to come. engagement someone dear to me just makes me feel so excited !!!

the day i was BORN....part 2

2008-07-01T02:35:00.000-07:00

arriving home, she took all the stuff and asking me to open the door. i sort of thinking why must she wants me to open the door. i know she is up to something but i don't know who are those people. once i on the lights , fyi my door facing the kitchen i saw preparation there, then where faa and jill jump out from the stairs shouting SURPRISE. it was surprise for me they are there. disappointment they are not the person i hope for. (haha.....i'm just joking....i'm more than happy to see you gals) yes the surprise just began. they actually cooked for me that night with nasi lemak, tomyam soup with adele's dessert. that night before i finished dinner i already start going to toilet. maybe stomach just can't too much that night. lunch was so super full and haven't digest yet dinner time. we started our dinner around 9pm about there.

the reason jill and faa wearing pajamas coz was preparing the dinner doesn't want their clothes to smells. i was just sitting there bumping around i'm free for the night. haha.

yes this is my room. all my soft toys. you to me adele taking is my pressie from her during my master convo end of last yr. jill taking is my cute little cj7 but she keep on criticised on it. faa is taking my little mushroom for massage. it's all cute stuff right ???i know ........ they are more behind or else hiding somewhere. the dinner preparation haven't done yet but we are just crazy taking pictures there....gals....!!!

seriously we just took too much pictures that night. starting of the night with pictures !!!

we looked pretty good in the pictures !!!

yes it is the same night just that i went to take a quick shower and changed into something much more comfortable for me. shirt and short <------joan tsen. who is the one hugging me and pampering me ??? guess it !!!

i know the person is still not showing the face !!! i think it's my problem taking my own face alone. haha

of coz as usual i always enjoyed being pampered especially on this day !!!! next you will get to see the face.

haha....finally everyone sees her !!! non other than ADELE KHOR. everyone doesn't need to think too much of someone else i'm mentioning just now. i wanna give some prank while you seeing and reading the post.

i don't remember this picture jill took for us or i'm the one taking it again coz i'm just too free.

this picture is good right ???love it !!!

aren't they cute???looks like mum and daughter !!! but jill is adele's grandma !! haha
don't ask me why ???but jill just decide to take picture with the 'tiang' i forgot what does it called in english for now even i know malay i'm wrong. seems like she wanna climb something.

this is faa she is cooking her tomyam. she gonna be a good housewife soon that's what we been teasing her. knew her from my multimedia course. the one we still keep in touch !!!

jill and her hair clip....don't care as long as i look alright ???if jill sees what i says her surely she will start scolding me....haha

after her hair clip are thrown away....she say looks better....haha

here the three graduates from master of multimedia still hanging out together. this is friendship for us. why unbutton her pajamas always a reason. coz she said she is also wearing something inside since everyone of us showing our 'clothes' so she wanted too !!!

the 2 super vain gals taking pictures all the way. just gotta used to it

good friend now no longer grandma and grand daughter !!! ;)

faa is cooking her tomyum food i'm just disturbing of coz and luckily you can't see properly what brand is she using but i know.

must take pictures before we starts our dinner too

cheers everyone !!!

the gals that given much surprises that night !!!

the food we had that night !!! great food.....seriously !!!

self decorate muffin. chocolate muffin bake by adele and those stuff prepare by her as well.
now the fun part begins.....this is what you get to do when someone birthday !!! it wasn't a torture to me at least everyone enjoy the fun and having a good time so why not ???it's only once awhile afterall...

this is only a few pictures of the 'fun' the gals had on me. some of it just too much sensor so i wouldn't be able to post it here. it was just stupid what we done.
there is still beauty out of the torture right ??? haha....at least tell me yes so i felt better !!!

the whole 'game' sponsor by dream whip---->whipped dairy cream. tell you what it does makes your face very oily after that.

the cake their prepare while i went for a shower after those whip cream on my face and clothes. the cream does make my eyes pain and face too oily for that. luckily there is no pimples coming out after that.....haha...
after shower so fresh....felt so good....no joke for that....
panna cotta made by adele. it's nice with coffee on top of it. at the same makes me misses sydney green tea panna cotta

here is adele promoting her panna cotta just like the other day being the 'bottle' promote as the chinese soya sauce "quote from steph tong"

yam seng for the four of us

this picture i don't know who took it but it gives me memories of my younger days. seems like i had a similar picture back at home the only thing i grew up now.

on top all those are pictures of faa,jill, adele and a few of jaclyn which is my housemate.
ok my new jacket from faa and jill and my new shining red converse shoes by adele coz she said she can't make the shimmering love hand made so she bought that for me !!! thank gals !!! love you all.
this is so good. adele trying have some fun with me end up.....see the next picture...
that's it .....she got bite by me.....it's so good been ages since i last bite someone !!! haha.....but seems like she loves it though....haha...

after bite someone finger then i gotta piggy back someone else.....

my sis was saying we are posing for australia next top model. but i realised one thing ...i was wearing my brand new shoes but jill, faa and adele was wearing pug shoes, hello kitty shoes and mashi maro shoes. funny....special shoes for that !!!

i think that's all for now. i'm tired uploading for tonight. more pictures can be found in my facebook.

all i can say i'm very thankful they organize this surprised for me and put so much effort in it. can't help but to say "thank you" to them once again. i really love them so much from the bottom of my heart. one of my friend told me i was really loved which i agreed. i know i'm very much loved and very much blessed. god been so faithful and gracious to me giving friends and family around me that really loving me for who i am.

ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. for if they fall, one will lift up his companion. but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up."

this is one of my favourite verse !!! god is great !!! without my family around me but still had this bunch of good friends around me !!!

the day i was BORN....

2008-07-01T01:15:00.000-07:00

alrighty the reason i must post this of coz because of the celebration but as well to share what happen how it went. it was just an awesome day with memorable events , foods , fun and etc. it's just hard for me to explain in words because i'm blasted by it.

my birthday was celebrated entirely on friday 27-06-08 because saturday was a church day so gotta celebrate early. friday i woke up like 930am wait till adele left the house then i went to wash up and shower at about 1015am. i was waiting for her coz i know she is late AGAIN. she asked me to meet her in bourke street, city because she gotta get some stuff done first. so yeah i just gotta wait till she is out. early morning she already woke up to prepare stuff coz i heard inside the room. she was actually baking the muffin. it's yummy actually.

met her in city then she brought me to crown. the funny thing since she is late she haven't went to check out where is the restaurant. so we are late like half and hour i guess. but but the restaurant is superb i gotta tell ya. it's expensive but the food and service is really good. that's what we normally gotta know right since the place is expensive.

have a look at the view i first taken from restaurant. btw, the restaurant is named KoKo japanese cuisine. you can city view sort of. how cool !!!

look at the back. i'm not the focus of the picture. i don't know what does it called by as you can see water in the center of the restaurant and those stones you can walked across. very stunning idea in there.

first pictures i taken by myself. we already changed our seating coz adele said we gonna eat teppanyaki. basically i was following what she is 'telling' me to do that day. haha.

our appetizer for the day !!!! the veges is good. yeap that's me joan tsen saying the veges is good !!!

now present to you all the organizer of the day !!! ADELE KHOR single and available. which guys think need to go after her let me know....gotta let me scanned thru first. whoever got her would be one of the biggest blessing in your life. woman of god , love god , love people and willing to sacrifice anything for her loved ones at least that we talked the other day !!!!

random picture of me coz we are waiting for the food obviously. that's what we can do when you got nothing better to do.

food time. more food coming up for now. you know they got scallop , prawn inside. another thing was the chinese thing i forgot what does it call. but this is nice though normally i doesn't like it. this taste so much more better than alot of places.

this is the teppanyaki. he chef cooks while we eat. btw, the chef is cool coz as most of the people know i eat really slow, so he actually wait till we finish only cook other stuff for us. ok inside the plate, there is fish, prawn , octopus and don't ask me the 3 sauces coz i don't know what it is i only one of it is the chilli and there is miso soup of coz in the black cuppy.

yes this is the only picture we took together by our chef. he offers to help us why not ??? though he only took both of us without the food. haha...can't be too demanding for that.

wow !!! this is my favourite .....soft shell crab !!! yummy yummy !!!! love it so much so crunchy.

this is the chef of the day for us. he is fun and entertaining. his name is van from myanmar. he actually post let me take his picture while he cooks for us. one funny little fella.

beef sirlioin with mushroom and beansprout and don't know other veges. i didn't take the veges coz it tastes so raw doesn't like it add on i don't eat this type of veges. haha. excuses !!!

this picture i look so super fat. gosh !!!! but just that gotta show the cake what can i do or else i'll just skipped it. this is the funny thing happen. the cake meant to surprise me but somehow the person who is more surprise was ADELE. why ???she booked the place she said was for birthday. so this cake it's actually complimentary from crown itself. so when the gal took out the cake after our meals, she was so surprises instead of me coz she doesn't know it comes with the complimentary cake. so she said ' end up i'm the one who is more surprised'. you just gotta imagine with me or be there to see her reaction.

see the cake doesn't it looks awesome !!! what can you ask for from a complimentary cake ??? what more it's a tiramisu cake and it taste really good not some cheap stuff.

of coz it's me blowing the candle !!! another year older though if happens the next day only. still the same. haha.

white sesame ice cream but i still want my green tea ice cream. they gave white sesame to us coz the gal said it's famous in their restaurant. it does taste good but still i prefer green tea.

ok this shoes keychain is so cool. yes you can see i'm 26 if those who doesn't know or doesn't remember. it's really nice. thanks to my darling. she's having her backache because of this but i definitely love it really love appreciate all the efforts she put in for me. i still wan da shoes with the LOVE. haha.

the last picture we took after our lunch. we can't believed we are there for like 2 and half hours i think around there. the food was good plus i'm a slow eater around there consider fast i think. haha. was a very superb fantastic meal. recommended place. love ya darling !!!

this is just the part 1 ...part 2 would be coming soon. hopefully later i will do.

my gosh another month is gone !!!

2008-06-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

i can't believe one month is gone and i wasn't posting anything here. was way to lazy to post what can i say. i know i know always my excuses hopefully this few days i will update again especially on my big day with great celebration and surprises !!!! so much to share but so lazy to type and put it up.

one month ago !!!

2008-06-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

one month ago on 25-27 april 2008 i went for our church ELEVATE camp which is a young adults camp but then it's my usual group OXYGEN. anyway for a wider view, our church has 2 groups of young adults which is OXYGEN(18-25) and ELEVATE(23-30). however, i'm an active member from OXYGEN but a spectator in ELEVATE for now. that camp they invited MIKE CONNELL which is a superb speaker. you would never ever be regret for it. however, now only i realise now it's june already. so it's one and half months ago already. but what happen it still so clear in my mind. so thought today wanna share experienced happen during the camp. it wasn't just another camp of fun or whatever.

mike connell is a speaker from new zealang. he is prophetic speaker and teaches us how to stirred up the prophetic gift in us as well be sensitive to the holy spirit. there time for us to practice and pray for people of coz those people we don't know. it was really a good time and learning as well. how i went for this elevate camp out of suddenly was because my friend godwin and alice are pastor for elevate group. they told me mike connell gonna be so good so i must come. i was somehow just sign up for it don't know why. maybe it's the holy spirit. no joke.

so went for the camp of coz with expectation and stuff. before we went for the camp both me and adele (my darling as well my housemate), we decided to fast for breakthrough also to hear clearly from god during the camp. we fasted meats almost 2 weeks before the camp....if people knows us well would know a suffer for us coz both of us don't eat veges so to fast on meat was really hard.

in the camp i really felt sort of weird or new. why ???coz it's elevate group so i don't know much people there. we are totally new there coz we are OXYGENERS. haha. but somehow i did meet new peoples there and are friends now.

first night basically just bbq night and introduction to the camp. we had ice-breakers and stuff then headed off to sleep i think. forgot what we did entirely. went to sleep to prepare for tomorrow full on whole day.

first session we had after our breakfast. it really a day GOD created. breakfast started i already got PRANK. during breakfast they will pick 5 persons to share something. i'm one of the lucky one among so many. that's just the starting of the day. come back to first session, mike connell was talking about holy spirit how we can pray for people and discern from the spirit about the person we are praying for. oh ya before that, before session started one of the leaders from evelate prayed for me about disappointment in my life. there are tears coming down my eyes but the problem i don't know what's the disappointment all about. that's the first prayer i got that morning. during the first session, after his sharing , he starts to demonstrates how to flow with the holy spirit and how it works. the first person he chosen was ME !!! that's another surprised for me. i was like how come ???anyway it was all good. however, i walked behind another friend of mine so in the end i was second. i was so anxious that time thinking what god has gonna tell me now.

now comes my turn. it was totally out of my expectation and what i gonna hear. he said there is sadness in my heart. there is grief that i've been carrying for a long time. there has been something that let me down, that i'm having trouble of letting go. there are DISAPPOINTMENT in my lives, i find it's difficult to trust again. my mind has been troubled and thinking i am to blame. all these has robbed my confidence and god wants to bring freedom to all these accussation. i have a beautiful heart and a serving heart and loves to do things for people. i always been giving and now it's time for me to receive from HIM.

the moment he said words out from his mouth, the tears within me came running down uncontrollaby. that moment i knew it was the holy spirit and god is speaking directly into my heart. it was so amazed when i realised i don't even understand myself more than GOD, himself. he know every single thing within me. i think for all these years that is the day those tears are unspeakable. no one seen i cried like this before so do myself. i don't know the day i cried like a baby non-stop. my leader especially was surprised as well. my eyes was so sore that day and swallow. i hardly open my eyes. the whole day those tears just come flowing down. it wasn't really what i expected. i never thought there still so much GARBAGES into my life for now. i was really break free that night feeling really helpless.

indeed during that morning and afternoon session i really received a lot. just really rest from god's word. that time i just wanna have a good sleep and let my eyes rest which i can't coz we had our drama practice for the night. after the presentation that night, mike connell came back to minister to us because he felt god asked him too. that camp is all about holy spirit and powerful it is. that night ministry what was fantastic i heard from friend was four of us which is anna, myself, adele and tiffany was holding hand in hand to be prayed for by mike connell. the move we open up to the movement of the holy spirit, when mike connell just gave a blow we all fell one by one. don't ask me how i do not know. this is what my friend told me. they was like really amazed to see how god works. but it was really a super duper experience can't be explain by words. that night we had people breakfree from strong holds, bondages and so on. it was really a family thing praying for one another.

after the session was over, one guy approach me. i don't know before he approached me. he told me what he felt when i was being prophesied during the morning session. he told me when i find it's hard to trust again , he totally saw a wall building within me he can't see me afar. he was sitting right at the corner of the back row that time. when talked about the hurt, he said he totally understand how i felt. i was like....what ???i don't get it man. he told me when that moment mike connell talked about hurt, there is a sharp knife going through his heart. he totally experienced the pain in him. it was another amazement to me. i never expect someone to understand those hurt apart from myself and of coz god himself. but within the room, god actually allows someone to experienced the hurt and pain i went through before. i wasn't going through and went through all these alone. don't you agreed HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD ????

that night went by with some worship with some new friends and oxygeners before we head back to our room to catch some sleep.

speaking of sleep. now i'm going to sleep because tomorrow morning both me and adele are planning for a morning jog if we are successful again coz it's 730am in the morning with the coldness !!!!

sorry being a cliff hanger now. i will update again !!!

everything is MEANINGLESS

2008-05-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

how many of us thought of what is life ??? what am i doing in my life ??? why i need to work ??? why am i here on this earth ??? what do i want in life ???

haha.....but i can't give you the answer as well even though i know most of human being been through these or going through this. of coz i have thought of that as well.

lately i'm so into book of ecclesiates. it was so good and i'm addicted to it. i starts from chapter 1 of ecclesiastes where solomon said everything is MEANINGLESS. solomon is the person in bible who had everything ; wisdom, power, riches, honor, reputation, god's favor. he is mentioned in chapter 1 what the world would offer us is emptiness. whatever we are accomplishing and efforts now will meant nothing in the end. instead it is our commitment to god is the only reason for living.

solomon wrote this book based on his own experienced. as mentioned he has the riches but apart from from god nothing can make him happy. yes it's true. at times we might have all the possessions or technology or whatever we wanted but in the end of the day , what would it brings us ???happy for a period of time and that's it. it's not an everlasting happiness within us. it's just a TEMPORARY thing.

if in our life we are trying to find accomplishments in our work, material or etc rather than god , we will never be satisfied. everything we pursue will become wearisome or getting tired of it. we always need to bear in mind whatever we accomplish on the earth will disappear one day. if not we will be proud of ourselves when we succeed or felt disappointed when we fail. what solomon is trying to say is that whatever we accomplishments and possessions are meaningless. only the pursuit of god brings real satisfaction. we should honor god in all we say, think and do.

"TRUE WISDOM COMES FROM GOD ; TRUE HAPPINESS COMES FROM PLEASING HIM."

i like the explanation in verse 16-18. it says like the more we understand , the more pain and difficulty we experience. for example, the more we know, the more imperfection we see around us; the more we observe, the more evil becomes evident.

as we set out with solomon to find the meaning of life; we must be ready to feel more, think more, question more, hurt more and do more. are YOU ready to pay for the price of wisdom ???

how true it is ???are we willing to pay that price for wisdom ??? if we are going through time thinking why we are doing what we are doing now .....ask wisdom from god. whatever possessions or accomplishments we have now or in future might not be what we want and will not satisfied our needs. TRUE SATISFACTION comes from god.

why i say that also because these few years i' ve seen that in my life. i consider myself having a good life far more than a lot of people yet i felt i'm not satisfied. i've been searching and finding till i've met HIM along the way. though i am not like solomon now but i know for sure still a lot of thing i still need to learn as well gaining god's wisdom in my life.

Are we Forgiving ???

2008-05-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

i wanted to post this chapter for some time but always lazy to do it. the reason of course it speaks to me and i do hope it speaks to you as well.

2 samuel 9

it is a story of David and Mephisosheth. i don't remember someone actually told me about this story or i heard it myself as usual as i read i reflect on the story only it makes more sense to me.

the story was about mephisisheth the son of jonathan. now david is the king of israel. david was asking whether is there anyone left in jonathan's household. david and jonathan was sworn brother if i remember correctly. jonathan was proctecting david even when saul which is joanthan's father trying to kill david. then the servant of saul said mephisosheth is living and he is crippled in both feet. the reason david wanted to see mephisosheth because he wants to show his kindness to him for jonathan's sake and also to show god's kindness. when mephisosheth was brought to david , he was invited to eat with the king which is david on the same table. david also gave everything belongs to saul back to mephisosheth. even he is crippled from there onwards, mephisosheth always ate at the king's table.

let us reflect back on us ???how does it relate to us ???? everyone of us are 'cripple' in certain ways whether on our past, our the things we have done or whatever it is yet god has never failed to invite us to eat with HIM on his table. he shown his kindness by sending his son , jesus to everyone of us. but it still our decision to accept it or not. despite for who we are , he forgave all our sins. he never take any records on it when we confess upon that cross. at times we can be like mephisosheth felt unworthy to receive the gifts from david but he chose to accept it. it's true we will feel unworthy for god has given to us , we felt we does not deserve it but that's god's promise to us. see (ephesians 2:8,9 - 8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. )

from the chapter it shows david's kindness and forgiveness even when saul wronged him. when we chose to reject god , yet he remain faithful to us and forgive us. how many of us can be forgiving when someone wronged or rejected us ??? can we still be that generous to those who are less deserving ??? let us think about it.

when i thought of it ; i can only see how small myself is and how big God is. he really been always faithful to me through my journey with him. a lot of times i do not understand what i'm going through of the ups and downs yet time he proved he is right. the reason behind what's going on. the reason he chose to let me going through those valleys. the reason he wants me to cry our my heart to him. the times when i've got no one to understand me yet he remains there to listen ; at right time to show me his way.

YOU DESERVE ALL OF ME !!!

nothing is a SURPRISED !!!

2008-05-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

as i mentioned before in my last blogging ; i don't remember where i read the phrases or whatever it is. i finally got it. it's actually from the bible but different version no wonder the translation was so good.

it says "what happens now has happened in the past, and what will happen in the future has happened before, God makes the same things happen again and again". this version is so easy to udnerstand.

especially with the SiChuan earthquake going on ; no doubt people will starts questioning why this kind of disaster are happening again ??? at least this verse gave me the reason to it. it's not a surprised from god but as he said in his words....what had happened in the past and going to happen in future; it has occured before.

but of coz through all these i believe god is not silent about it. let us keep praying and let god's love surround them and knowing god is still in control in all these.

a time for everything

2008-05-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

1 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.

2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.

3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13 And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. 15 What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.

The Injustices of Life

16 I also noticed that under the sun there is evil in the courtroom. Yes, even the courts of law are corrupt! 17 I said to myself, “In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds.”

18 I also thought about the human condition—how God proves to people that they are like animals. 19 For people and animals share the same fate—both breathe^[a] and both must die. So people have no real advantage over the animals. How meaningless! 20 Both go to the same place—they came from dust and they return to dust. 21 For who can prove that the human spirit goes up and the spirit of animals goes down into the earth? 22 So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why we are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die.

i've listen to message for twice by erwin mcmanus. first time doesn't impact me so much and yesterday night was the second time i heard him in our church. doesn't know why this time it makes much more sense to me and makes me reading back few times for the passage. really loving it.

'The Beauty of a Tradegy'

this passage says about a time for everything. a lot of time what we facing in life whether good or bad , god has his purpose. especially when we are facing our giants ; god said he makes everything beautiful out of it. because we always sees things the way it is ; we can't acknowledge the beauty of god allows to go through. we are blinded by the circumstances.

erwin mcmanus mentioned we are meant to go through difficulties, hurt, grief, disappointment and etc in life. think about it ; it will make sense to you. if life always been so well and going through without storms you wouldn't be excited and looking forward for the next day. through all the storms ; we are growing also learn to acknowledge god's existence , his power in our life. i think it makes sense to me also because i did went through all these thing to build me up for who am i today.

a time to destroy and a time to build. a time to cry and a time to laugh. a time to to be sad and a time to dance. life is always fill with colors !!!

i think i read it somewhere or what i just forgot it about it suddenly. if says something like what happen in the past, present and future ; god already knows about it. it not something surprises god. also whatever happen now had happen before. i really can't remember where i read it but it's really good. that phrases explain much more better than me.

whatever season everyone is going through ; hope we face it strongly and overcome it by god's strength and power. everything has its reason and its season. let us learn together the see the BEAUTY OF A TRADEGY together. don't also indulge in the tradegy but see outside the box.